Thursday, June 2, 2011

B I R T H D A Y B L O G ! ! !

Ja. So. Let's hope today goes better than the almightily gigantic rancid ass-burger of a day that yesterday served up...

You see, today's my birthday.

It didn't start well, mind you. Today was literally the first time in my life I've woken up alone in an empty house on my birthday. No "Happy Birthday!" being yelled. No breakfast in bed. No pressies to eagerly unwrap in bed. No quick birthday blowjob before work...

Anyway, yesterday then...

I went to go buy electricity for my prepaid meter at home, seeing as I had just enough left to last through band practice. Now I am a generally laid back and patient kinda cat, but motherfucker come on! 40 minutes! FORTY fucking minutes! Only to be directed by the good people operating the call centre at The City Of Cape Town to try a different vendor. Thank fuck that worked.

Then I went to draw nog geld. The ATM informed me, and I quote, "We cannot process your request due to a technical problem, please try again later." Now this is distinctly different to "You're a doos and you don't make enough money" which I have seen on many occasions. So I calmly retrieve my card and try another ATM. Which promptly informs me that I now have fuck all money in that account. Cue near homicidal call to the "helpline"...

Anyway all that was sorted out IN the bank ON my lunch hour ON my birthday. Still. Better than yesterday.

On the infinitely more pleasant side, I have received a gasquillion messages and calls and whatnot from all my friends and family today. Thank you all, you've made a happy man feel very old. Even Vodacom and various other institutions sent me "happy birthday dumbass, we're grateful for your entire paycheck every month, keep em coming" messages.

Tonight I dine in fine style at the home of the Demonic Sibling and the Brother In Awe. Joined by some other friends, it promises to be a feast and an unforgettable night. Plus I'm being driven to and fro like Lord Fauntleroy!

Also to my "Twinzie" and my "DrHellCuz", who are both lucky enough to share this special day with me, Happy Birthday Mother Bitches!. Or to quote an equally famous movie, "Happy Ass-Day Fuck-Mo!"

So. Spread The Love. Someone Come And Take Me Out For Coffee. (Failing that, access to a time machine and that before-work-birthday-bj please.)


  1. Ha!! You let slip where dinner is ... and gatecrashing is one of my many talents... heh heh!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOFO!!!