"YOU'LL HAVE OUR LOVE..."

It is a sad day in the history of the South African music land(or sound)scape. Tonight we join The Sleepers in bidding farewell to their frontman, Simon Tamblyn.

It has long been public knowledge that this weary soul considers The Sleepers to be among the best, if not the best band currently plying it's taudry trade in this fair land of ours. From humble beginnings they have forged a formidable following and have won over the critics with aplomb, grace and the sheer strength of their intelligent songwriting skills and powerful and incendiary performances. All things being subjective, I will most likely continue to maintain this opinion.

Tonight they perform at Mercury Live alongside that lovably mischevious bunch, Van Coke Kartel, and media darlings Foto Na Dans. It promises to be an incredibly intense and enjoyable affair that marks the official 3rd birthday party of everyone's favourite magazine, Your LMG (Live Music Guide). You know. That mag. The one you can't do without. The one everyone loves. The one that offers news, views, interviews and reviews, all top notch and totaly free!

Getting back to the point. Tonight is going to be a bittersweet adeiu to one of our favourite frontmen (in his current role) as he takes off toward his own horizons and embraces his life and solo project 'Tape, Hiss & Sparkle', a more eclectic brew of off-beat, folk-influenced introspection.

Simon, you have made an indelible mark in the hearts of those who have been privileged enough to have witnessed and experienced your musical ascendence within the framework of The Sleepers. You will be sorely missed and will always "have our love..."

Spread the love. Be there.

THE LIST - PLEASE NOTE 'NOT SUITABLE FOR STUCK UP ARSEHOLES'

So I read the Anti-B-logger's latest blog post, which led me to remember the empty promises Tequila Tart has been spewing about Man Lists and the like, which led me to remember the jolt I felt when entering the bar tent at RAMfest on Sunday morning...

I'll explain. Anti-B-logger (otherwise known as The Delectable Bastard) doesn't get chicks. I mean he gets chicks. He just doesn't get chicks... Understandable.

Tarty Farty Tequila Party has been promising to come up with the definitive list of attributes women look for in a man. She has up to now failed to deliver on this promise.

All this, coupled (haha) with my recent ambivalence on the subject of relationships and permanently being told I'm far too full of shit for my own good, has led me to want to divulge MY list. It is a reasonably long list. The older I get and the more run ins I have with the opposite sex, the longer the list gets. Every altercation reveals a universally true attribute or condition that I will or won't put up with.

I have had my fair share of action in the 112 years I have been sharing your oxygen. Some of the girls I have dated have been super cool, some really intelligent, some awesomely compassionate, some super hot and some have even been good at sex and all its wondrously varied applications. Bless them. Very rarely, if ever, has all this been rolled into one conveniently solvent and sane package.

So. The list. In no particular order, and I will admit to making this up as I go along (it's never progressed past discussing singular items at a time), here goes.

1. Ridiculously good looking. Simple. Not classic beauty either. Cute in a smoking hot way with more than a hint of naughty in the eyes plopped on top of a body that would leave Kerry McGregor jealous.


2. Music tastes have got to at least overlap to some degree. If I elaborate we're going to be here all day.


3. The ability to function at a normal social level when required, a basic understanding of Ps and Qs and common sense and a little decorum.


4. Kindness and generosity of spirit go a long way in this world, but all too often I find intolerance and bigotry to be hurdles. Also, I am the only one allowed to be self centred in this union, thank you very much.


5. I don't give a crap if you can cook like (insert your favourite celebrity chef's name here), but you have to be able to concoct something more complicated than a PnB sammitch.


6. The ability to hold one's liquor. A must.


7. If you're with me it is a given that you have exquisite taste in partners, now go and apply the same level of sophistication to the other spheres in your life.


8. Cats vs dogs. Cats lose. Also, there is a minimum size of animal that qualifies as dog. Yapping slippers are other people's pets, not mine.


9. Sensibility when it comes to the purchase of shoes and selecting shoes for a specific purpose.


10. Solvent.


11. Sane... You think I'm joking...


12. Sex. You don't have to be Sasha Grey but you have to be open minded, limber, filthy and reasonably keen. I wouldn't say I'm the kinkiest guy around, but there are certain expectations. Also, don't even bother if you have a gag reflex or don't swallow. And yes, random surprise blowjobs DO make for a happy and healthy and reciprocal sex life.


13. No follicular growth under eyebrows.


14. Eyebrows. You'd be surprised how many women are without.


15. A basic sense of cool.


16. A stupendously advanced, yet at the same time adolescent sense of humour.


17. A driver's licence and some form of transport.


18. A willingness to indulge me when I am being silly/drunk/belligerent/sick/depressed/watching sport or making music.


19. An understanding of the correct use of a telephone.


20. Infinite patience.


21. Have I mentioned tiny. I like tiny. With boobs. It goes with cute.


22. Also, I'm into affection. Giving and receiving. Surprisingly, not everyone is.


23. And lastly,the windows to the soul. I could fall in love with eyes if they capture me...


24. All of the above.


25. ALL OF THE ABOVE.

*Disclaimer. If any exes are reading this, I am talking about the other chicks, not you. You have always been my favourite.

And there you have the ramblings of someone, now that I am about to post this, who is destined to be single or disappointed for the rest of his days.

To those of you who don't find the above list at the very least informative, and have contrived to find some offence in it, I kindly invite you to stop reading my blog.

Tomorrow I re-institute Irreverent Fridays, and will be back to my short-post bolshy self.

Spread the love. Instructions above.

THE WEEKEND THAT WAS...

...Well, everything I expected... and more!

Once again RAMfest took the youth of the country by the scrotum and swung 'em overhead for shits 'n' giggles. Wow! What an epic festival full of adventure, dust, sunburn, awesome music and truly memorable performances, and not all just from the stage.

It was also quite hot in Rawsonville this weekend. This facilitated the rather welcome shedding of clothing, adding to the visual spectacle. And the disturbing froth in the communal swimming pool...

So let's get to the bands. The first really pleasant surprise were Down On The First, kicking off proceedings on the Metal4Africa stage. I might add that the M4A stage, the supposed "second" stage, had a better vibe than the main stage, and very often superior sound as well.

Later on the Friday night, we were treated to a jaw-dropping show by Mind Assault that was nothing short of faith re-affirming. As creaking and ancient as I am, they even somehow managed to get me so excited about it all that I rushed headlong into the swirling moshpit and for a few brief moments actually managed to hold my own bouncing around. This was short lived as I found myself face down in the dust, having lost both my drink and my dignity. I escaped to enjoy the rest of their set from a safer distance, horns in the air.

The next day we were treated to Juggernaught. These Bourbon drenched rock behemoths stomped and snarled their way through a set that did their moniker justice. And I got a cd, which has been on heavy rotation since getting home.

Sabretooth stormed the stage next with their retro classic rock-metal and, as always, left the audience agape at the sheer virtuosity on display and begging for more. Loudly.

Off to the main stage to catch long time favourites The Sleepers perform their second last show with current vocalist, Simon Tamblyn. A little light out to appreciate the full range of sonic supernova that is this band, but a bittersweet and brilliant set, chock full of the sorcery these lads dish up every time they bestride a stage.

Somewhere between all of this we also managed to eat something and spend a lot of time heckling the passers by. There was also a lot of catching up with old friends and there may have been a libation or 2 consumed.

Enter A Walk With The Wicked. I had earlier predicted that they were going to own everyone's souls. I was spot on. It gives me gooseflesh seeing a performance of such magnitude as to win over even the most sceptical of curious bystanders, and this was one of those. They simply brutalised their way into the collective hearts and minds of all those in attendance. The lucky ones. The fortunate ones. The ones with the good taste and sense not to be too near the main stage, where all manner of arse was being spoon fed to the unwashed masses.

If A Walk With The Wicked owned souls and some of the other bands were a pleasant surprise or won over a few new fans, then I have just run out of words to describe what happened with Axxon. A relatively young and inexperienced Industrial band that closed proceedings on Saturday night was in the exalted opinion of many, many people, the highlight of the entire event. They overcame the initial technical glitches to put on a show that could overthrow a small government!

No words. Simply awe...

Overheard at Ramfest: "Jeesh the international bands were kak! And Die Antwoord were rubbish..." This in the bathroom, and not from some black tshirt wearing metal heads...

The most entertainment came form The Heavy, who had had a bit too much and slept through ALL the bands on Saturday night, eventually waking up at 3am and partying all night in the Trance/Dubstep area, only to return to the campsite at 10am. I can't tell you for fear of a libel case. That good!

Well done to the organisers and bands. I am sure RAMfest will keep on growing and growing.

So. Spread the love. Just not anywhere NEAR the Nekkies swimming pool...

More RAM for your PC?

Wow! What a month! The 9th of February saw one of the world's greatest live bands here to entertain us with their billion kiloton pyrotechnical spectacle. I'm talking about RAMMSTEIN! It was simply awesome. Yes, I was as sick as a dog and literally almost burnt alive, but it had to go down as one of the best nights ever! Certainly the most high octane show I have ever been to...

And a few short weeks later we're treated to the ever-growing RAMFEST. Replete with Dali-legged pachyderms. This weekend a few metalheads, a whole bunch of kids that think My Chemical Romance started 'music' and of course a few 'normal' people will all descend upon Nekkies in Rawsonville for what is fast becoming THE most popular live music festival in SA. From humble beginnings 5 years ago, it has grown to a massively well supported festival, where you are more than likely to climb in the wrong tent at some point over the weekend, simply because every person there owns exactly the same Camp Master Wedge Dome III...

It promises to be a hectic weekend, considering I'll be there with one Tequila Tart in tow, as well as the sibling Party Animal and a bunch of other crazies. Wish me luck.

Acts to look out for: The (mighty, mighty, magnificent) Sleepers, Isochronous, A Walk With The Wicked, Contrast The Water, Mind Assault, Sabretooth, Juggernaught, Axxon and probably a few more I am too lazy to mention.

What does this have to do with PCs you ask? Fuck all. Unless you consider my views on the so called 'headliners' to be a little unPC. At least the emo-screamo kuif-crew will be wetting them se pants...

Spread the love, but remember, at a festival it is likely that her fridge sized boyfriend is right around the corner, so be careful or employ a look out.

ALIEN INVASION and THE FINGER.

Pictures are supposed to be worth a thousand words. Whilst this particular picture is probably slightly less verbose than that, I think it adequately sums up my outlook right now...

AND, in the spirit of the Cricket World Cup, where nations from all around the globe get together to do noble battle with bats n balls, I have welcomed one of my closest friends for a visit. She emigrated to New Zealand about 6 years ago. It is a battle. I haven't been this consistently hung over in many moons. Today's weather forecast puts us at a pleasantly balmy 37C here in the mother city. If only expiring were an option...

So. It's been a while. I have once again been under the radar for various reasons, but am glad to report that I'm back to my usual stroppy self. Finally. Also, I have been on leave, which is always nice. Among other things, I have been on a roadtrip that took in Hermanus, Gansbaai, Stanford and Napier (Suntouched Inn - 5 star resort - 5 star people - highly recommended). My New Zealand friend (let's call her Snorkels) and I have been to some of the most awesome wine farms and generally had a really splendid time adventuring about. In the way you do when taking "out of towners" around, but never do in the normal course of events.

We even played putt-putt and rode the children's train at Mouille Point. Do it - it's loads of fun.

Drinking on a school night should come with a bright red warning label... But when one has the opportunity to share said drinks with one Tequila Tart (or as her real friends know her, Futtom) then one must make hay.

Which brings me conveniently to my next point (pint?). Next weekend is RAMfest. A highlight in this social butterfly's calender. I am starting early and building up prayer credits that I make it through this year's festivities and frivolities alive. Will I ever learn? Probably not...

Also next weekend marks the return of Cape Town's prodigal daughter. According to the buzz on the ether, this is something a lot of people are anticipating with much glee. TLC, hope your trip back home is safe and you get here in one piece.

Now all I have to do is think up imaginative ways of staying alive through today until I can get home and flop down into a late afternoon coma.

Spread the love. Preferably on a consenting hottie.

Mundane in the membrane.

Ok, so in order to maintain some level of interest in this here blog, I suppose I'd have to post more posts. So in the spirit of being more prolific, and hopefully not cutting back too much on the quality of the ramblings, here we go...

The first few weeks of the year so far have been quite interesting. What with Buddy Boy securing accommodation in the EXACT same flat I shared with Thelma&Louise (Thelma-Thoul-To-Thatan and the eczema-ridden jerk she ran off with), the revelation that another is close to closing the marriage deal, the awesome news that great friends of mine are preggers, the general acceptance that I have to work for a living and the instigation of a really cool music appreciation society, it's been HECTIC!

So we're well and truly back into the swing of things now that all the parents are back at work as well. Looking forward to my holidays already... But before that, there are so many exciting things happening. This weekend is the Southern Ink Exposure Tattoo Convention. Mentioned in my previous post. So now I am going, must stay off the sauce - might walk out with directions to the lavatory tattooed on my forehead.

Looking forward to the week. Tonight is our traditional band practice/dinner party suipathon. Very successful last week - managed to write a beautifully bleak number, which - at least in our wine soaked revelry - sounded freakin' awesome.
Football has also started. Oh my Effing G! Thursday I was skinned by a 52 year old all afternoon, but not wanting to give in I persisted with the lung-crushing, dizziness-inducing pirouette of death as he ran circles around me. Needless to say the loss to the small balding fellow, the old guy and their buddies wasn't met with a great amount of joy. Mainly because we were all laid out and gasping for air...
And then there's work. The most challenging thing is to regain any momentum or motivation I ever had. I'm sure it'll come, just getting there is like getting into the pool. Rad once you're in, just a mission to overcome that first hurdle.

Friday is going to be better than most Fridays.

Spread the luuurve. Sounds like a good plan...

Welcome to the Year of the Lepretic Badger.

Badger, beaver, weasel, whatever...

So here we are. A new year, pregnant with possibility and brimming with all sorts of stupid resolutions...

I personally don't make any, since I have the drunken imagination to inflict nigh impossible restrictions on myself in the form of lifestyle altering resolutions and virtually no follow through. I already gave up smoking on a whim a year and a half ago. And I've had a moratorium placed on my sex life due to the unfortunate combination of suddenly finding myself single and being very picky between bouts of ill-advised alcohol fuelled ogling (which, incidentally is a very ineffectual way of getting laid...)

So I'm not giving up on anything. In fact, this year I may just take up a new vice. Nothing drastic, maybe get my first tattoo. I find myself under immense pressure to do so, the world being what it is - and the people in it the sheep they are. Maybe I shouldn't get too pissed at the Southern Ink Exposure Tattoo Convention. The jury is in fact still out as to whether I am going to attend. We'll see. All in the name of new vices...

Which brings me back to where I was going in the first place. When the fuck did "responsibility" replace "rock n roll"? Huh? What happened to balls-to-the-wall, tits-up, wall-to-wall debauchery without the consequences? Or - at the very least - why and when did I start caring?

Anyway. Welcome to a brand new year. As decreed by the Romans. Did you know the Romans were crazy? At least they provided us with the aquaduct.

Spread the love. In new and imaginative ways.