Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Take a look at the beautiful woman airbrushed onto the equally beautiful guitar. It has long been public knowledge that I (and most other males in the known universe) have a special fondness for Ms Jenna Jameson. She now endorses Jackson guitars (who just happen to sponsor little ol' me) and it's like stars (literally) aligning. To quote a very entertaining and wise man "Oh yes! She will be mine!"

All that was a rather nifty way of informing you about my weekend. I played a show. On a guitar. A Jackson - no less. Well, the truth is I played one song as a cameo appearance to help some buddies out. But I did play a Jackson that looks just like the one in the picture, only it doesn't have the delectable Ms Jameson emblazoned on it... So. One song - quite a bit of palaver and then it's over in 2 minutes and 54 seconds. Much like my sex life. Bar the fanatical screaming...

The rest of the evening was spent celebrating my triumphant return to the stage and getting legless with some good mates. After having spent the previous evening getting legless with some good mates. So after having soaked up the adoration of about 2 people, it was business as usual. We were at the Harley Davidson Club in Cape Town. Wow! What a great place. Things are clean. The staff are great. It was a classic night all round. My favourite representatives from YourLMG were on hand to provide their legendary dose of good natured debauchery. Mine eyes were assaulted by all the incredibly hot girls. I swear I was like a kid in a candy store. Clifton can fuck right off - all the tattooed hotties at this party were waaaay better! Well, all except one. I was leaving backstage in an advanced stage of "jovial" when this poor sinner's eyes rested on a magnificent pair of legs that went all the way up. Cue involuntary drooling of epic proportions. Upon raising my gaze to take in the rest of this beauty, I felt damn well distinctly cheated. Awesome pins, but they belong to someone that will and should remain nameless. Buggery. Goes to show that being smoking hot isn't everything. Did I just really say that?

Anyhow. Onto the real reason behind this protracted missive. Much, much later and much, much boozier, I found myself at the Shack. It was at this last bastion for late night revelers that I bumped into this cutie pie . Like, the cutest little cutie pie ever. With a pinch of dangerous. Just the way I like em. What followed was a dronk conversation that I thought was going particularly well. My lurid ramblings actually seemed of interest to "little miss my entire bum fits into his one hand". Enter my uber-considerate friend - from now on known simply as Cock Blocker. So now I had the humiliating disappointment of not closing the deal to add to the monumental hangover in store for me.

So. Thanks Sailor Jerry Rum. Thanks Harley Davidson Club. Thanks Mike from YourLMG. Thanks Cape Town for having the hottest women on the planet. Thanks Lil Miss Cutie Bums and thanks Cock Blocker. Sunday morning could not have been any worse.

Spread the love this festive season. Most of it my way please.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Designated Disaster

So this weekend was a total bust. And not the good kind of bust...

Well, the birthday parties I went to were awesome. Right until I had to do the responsible thing and stop drinking. Then the rose tinted spectacles came clanging down with spectacular velocity.

You see, I no longer have what's lovingly refered to as a better half. Lamentable, I know. So I now spend a lot more time worrying about driving myself home. The extra beers I used to pack into the cooler box are now replaced with a 2l Sprite. Lame, I know... But at this time of year, it is advisable to exercise caution.

Add to that the distinct lack of service on hand when I took my car in on Saturday morning (I now have to wait en entire week) and the lack of stock of the other thing I was looking to buy (retail therapy) AND a relatively unsuccessful attempt at Christmas shopping, and you have one times bunny that - more so than usual - needed those extra drinks. Enter Mr Misery.

And DO NOT get me started on that suburb, Bumfuck, Ohio. You know the one prefered by every yuppy in Cape Town. Formerly known as Tableau Voi. I went to the mall there and it was closed at 6pm! 6PM! ! ! On a Saturday! In December! Smack in the middle of Yuletide madness! What.The.Fuck...

I still can't see how anyone can live there...

At least today is going alright...

Oh, and p(m)s, Congrats to the BlackMilkers for walking away with all the prizes. Now I'm never gonna hear the end of it.

Spread the love. You know mos.