Monday, October 31, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
NGDG: "I am absolutely terrifyingly shit-scared of Winex. We may die."
Spread The Love. Vote For Me Like I'm The DA And The Only Thing Between You And Absolute Bankruptcy.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Good morning and welcome to another perfectly pert Irreverent Friday. Tonight I walk my silly arse into the wonderful world of Mr John Cleese. I hope it's perilous. There may or may not even be a spanking!
And then tomorrow night it's the turn of the one and only Wikkle Poon to celebrate his birthday. Not only is he the latest guitar-slinging hero in Cape Town, but he is also Francois Pienaar's stunt double. Let's hope that bodes well. It may even get him a "Lay".
Don't you find it particularly annoying when people prattle on about people you don't know and inside jokes when you have no idea what they're on about? I have a friend who does that all the time. Strange that there are still complete unknowns in this day and age. Information being as freely available and all...
Good Sir Neal Goldwyer The Virtually Immortal posed a rather interesting quote for the day today dealing with his, and everyone else's demise...
NGDG: "If the world has to end, I'd like a large asteroid to shear the planet to bits, small enough that they can't generate their own gravity, so I fly off (mercifully unconscious from concussion) to freeze in space, where an alien toddler with a butterfly net will pluck me, and eat me before its mother scolds him. How would you like to go?"
To which I quite naturally responded: "In a deluge of beer n blowjobs." Duh! Quite an interesting question though. How would you like to go? What would you like to see achieved or have accomplished yourself before the final curtain? If you knew the end was imminent what would you be doing differently? Would you streak through the streets exhorting people to repent, grow beards and live off locusts and honey? Not me. Deserted islands full of rum and Kiera Knightly spring to mind, after her boob job of course. I was almost going to go into a whole schpiel about doing all the things you've been putting off like apologising to your cousin for that incident with the dildo, and generally righting all your wrongs, but it is Irreverent Friday, so I'm going to stick with "Get hammered and get laid." I do believe Mr Blackheart would agree with me.
Ps. I hope you don't have that REM song stuck in your head now... See what I did there?
Sunday is the final of the Rugby World Cup. I hope both teams lose. Fuckers.
Spread The Love. Beers. Blowjobs. The End Is Nigh!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
- Failing to write "LOL" or "ROFLMAO" or ":)" every single time one of your fwendies says something vaguely funny or even remotely intelligible.
- Not having at least 23 out of focus shots of you doing the pout-looking-up-at-shitty-camera-fone pose.
- Spamming the crap out of the entire Universe every time your pathetic fucking band needs to win a poll to be allowed to spread its cancerous aural filth on some shitty little stage in some crappy little club no one will ever go to anyway.
- Not having a BlackBerry and not complaining loudly every time RIM packs up.
- Not having a natural affinity to anything and everything to do with cats, their pictures on the net, and all their wonderfully fucking annoying applications.
- Sharing pics or links of fake scares and/or funny videos and then ranting about how kak everything is in as indignant a tone as you can muster from behind the relative safety and anonymity of your keyboard. (See yours truly above)
- Not having a ridiculous fake middle name that is somehow supposed to shed some light on the inner complexities of your mildly deranged psyche.
Anyway, that's just how it seems to me, considering the mean...
So, there you have it. Oh by the way (excuse me, I surely meant "btw") a friend of mine is taking me to go and watch John Cleese at the CTICC and SBITU. Whaaaahoooooo! Do you have your tickets yet? If not, tough patootie! They're sold out. I'm so excited I could write ":)"
Ja, and go read about the whacky adventures of Tarty Farty Tequila Party at Mocking The Meisies. Corking good stuff!
NGDG: "Death to tyrants!!! This Colonel clearly lacked any secret ingredient to keep his brand of madness going indefinitely. Now who's next? Someone needs to do a 'Columbiana' on Radovan in his cell methinks."
Spread The Love. Until You Walk Funny.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
- Today marks the birthday of the Meyer Of Awesomeville - happy birthday your emineminence! Hope you have the best day ever! Will raise a glass in your honour this evening.
- John Cleese is coming to SA - performing at the Cape Town International Convention Centre and Slowest Bar In The Universe.
- Terry Pratchett is set to release another book into the world, actually I think it may already be available. I believe it's called Snuff. He will also be visiting our shores in the not too distant future.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Jees, am I glad the Sibling only has a birthday once a year...
Friday started off nice and sedately. The folks came around and dropped off some heirloom furniture and bits before loading me into the back of their bakkie and buggering off to the Sibling's house for civilized dinner. I was kinda wondering why my mom was in hysterics as I sat there like a casual labourer. Turns out she was vividly reminded of an unfortunate incident from my youth, when I went on a very ill fated date. You see, I was so besotted and head-over-heals in love (I thought) with a certain young lady throughout high school, that I turned into the gangly, bumbling, acne-ridden idiot of the universe whenever I was within spitting distance of this wonderful girl. No wonder, in hindsight, I never got her to agree to a spot of "doctor-doctor". Anyway, lest we dredge up some long buried anguish and I have to start paying a therapist to listen to my silly sobbing for the rest of my life, let's cut a long story short.
By some miracle I managed to convince her to join me on what passed for a date back then, before budgets and one's own 4-wheel transport. I went all out, lemme tell you. Cycled down to the local florist to buy a bunch of roses and came back with a single forlorn looking carnation, much to my disgust, but I was going to make it work for me! Had even sorted out a friend's older sibling to pick me (us) up in something fancy resembling KITT from Knight Rider. Sorted!
Imagine my face when this doos pulls in with a bedraggled khaki Datsun bakkie. Sitting in the back of that fucking bakkie with my stupid little fucking carnation on my way to make an utter arse of myself with the girl of my dreams AND having my mother howling and shrieking with laughter was not doing anything to brighten my murderously foul mood. Ah! Memories...
On a far lighter note, Saturday the various members of Axxon assembled to start rehearsals in earnest for the upcoming show, War At The Warehouse II. It was as if we hadn't taken a break at all. My fuck it sounded awesome! Can't wait to don the toight pants of awesomeness again and strut our stuff for all of you. Incidentally, A Walk With The Wicked, Cape Town's grooviest Death Metallers have announced themselves as the final band in the line up. And they WILL own your soul!
Saturday night and another trip to the Sibling's, although altogether less harrowing and in the driver's seat this time. There were beers. There were shots. There was a lot of noise and even more people. There was even a "boob-off". Bless my life. Even if the participants were either family or not particularly someone whose boobs I'd like to see. I think I had quite a few shots round about this time. There was apparently an "incident" in the bathroom, although I plead innocence due to not remembering anything. There was a camera. Uh oh...
Sunday morning came streaming through the window like a rapist on tik, and we drove home without sunglasses. Murder.
Somehow the SABC contrived to once again re-enforce why I refuse to pay a TV Licence. It's the Rugby World Cup and they could be bothered to obtain the licence to broadcast a semifinal (one that we would have been in were it not for Bryce The P**s) live on their hallowed list of stations. Thank goodness we found Percy's open. It's amazing that some people still support Australia. Not only were they getting thoroughly moered, but this joker (probably from Parklands) also felt it necessary to make the gathered masses understand that he knew the rules of rugby, and in so doing, that he was an utter pillock. You know the type: pop up collar and wears a cap indoors, and uses words like "china" and "bru" without any ironic intonation. All his mates have names that end in "ty" or "ro"...
Let's not get started on the drunk M.I.L.N.F that was more interested in discussing the nutritional benefits of yoghurt instead of shutting the fuck up and watching the game...
The rest of Sunday was spent slouching on the couch. That is all. I felt like I'd been ravaged by a battalion of bloodthirsty badgers. The only consolation was that the T20 game carried on the pleasant theme of Australia getting a good kicking...
NGDG: "Here's a novel idea - "Occupy" a desk, draw up a budget, and see how many times 'bank', 'stock market' or 'executive remuneration packages' appear alongside 'restaurant, 'take out', 'car repayment' or 'buying stupid shit on credit'."
Spread The Love. Away From The Convicts And Psychos...
Friday, October 14, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I must give a shout out to the new axe-murderer in chief, the brilliant guitar slinger from that band SubVerS (ja, ja, we'll let you know when...) for the pic above. Thanks Matt 'Little Spoon' Daemon.*
*not his real name.
And seeing as I am now in charge of deciding your social agenda for you, watch this space for important info on Halloween and so on.
NGDG: "10 million people like Slipknot. And that's just on Facebook. Iron Maiden have sold 85 million albums. Metal is winning people. Metal is winning. There are enough songs about goo goo ga-choo. We want songs about Romantic poetry, shrimp diseases locking girls in basements and Arnold Schwarzenegger catch phrases."
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Book 7 : Chapter 8 : Verse 7 - 11
Oh yes, and if I get one more fucking internet petition sent to me - I don't care how good the cause is or how well intentioned the people behind it are, my nipples will explode. In full Monty Python style, whilst I skip away toward the horizon, with only a bobby helmet on my flailing tongue depressor, singing 'God save King Julius' like so many slain bagpipes.
NGDG: "I will prise the caps lock keys from a thousand keyboards, put them in an empty coffee tin with gunpowder and semtex and send it to freakshow with a note that says 'Don't smoke while insane' and she, being sooo audacious and otherwise, will immediately light up a cigarette in defiance, saying 'Ha!' But only one of us will be there to append an additional 'ha' to the proverbial last laugh."
And on that rather contrived conclusion (according to the Rules), I bid you adieu for another day. Til tomorrow then, when I shall once again abuse you with my absurdities. No, not the one under the bobby helmet. His.name.is.Truncheon...
Spread The Love. Softly. Killing It. With A Djoom Song.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Friday, October 7, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Anyway, let's not complain too bitterly. Instead let's make up our own chat-worthy lives as we go along. That's what I do, or attempt to, one dismal, fun, fuck up at a time. TEAM BURGER KING are almost all still complaining of hangovers - champions one and all! We may have accidentally made a pact on Tuesday night (or Wednesday morning) that if we win LMG Pub Quiz, we're jumping in whatever cars we have there and road tripping to Durban-by-the-sea. Personally, being the eternal optimist I am, I'll be attending quiz nights with a spare pair of sensible underwear, extra money and a toothbrush. You never know...
What an awful day in the Mother(less) City! I'm contemplating (on the strong suggestion of AntiNexus) to get nekked and run around the office. Pics or it didn't happen?
Seeing as this post should probably have something vaguely to do with all things intrawebnets related, what the Eitch Eee Double Hockey Sticks did we do before social networking and IM? I still do my work. Were my days that empty? Straight up, if it wasn't for those I'd go bonkers with boredom. And speaking of bonkers....
Book 10 : Chapter 3 : Verse 2 - 5
So as soon as I get out of here today, I'll indulge in a little run with Crazy Rob. You don't even want to know what he babbles on about. Most entertaining running partner ever. I do all the listening, like a horribly out of breath psycho-analyst. Or therapist of some description. Can you find the naughty word hidden in there?
NGDG: "Of all the comments about my ink, the most unusual by far is this, from a mall security guard: 'You have a nice body. Is like a spider.' "
SO I have received the call... The call to go drinking. From Tarty Farty Tequila Party. After footie. Margaritas at Fat Cactus, anyone? Ol' rubber arms over here will probably end up crawling through the front door at some ungodly hour again. Let's see if I have any resolve whatsoever...
Spread The Love. And Pass The Salt n Lemon.