Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Happy Flippant Friday, one and all!
Much like Tarty Farty Tequila Party, I have been the recent winner of 'Car Trouble'. Whilst mine is minor compared to her actually managing to blow hers up, this morning's cost estimation has made some serious inroads into March's drinking budget. Not good news. If you see me out and about, flouncing around like Captain Pants, buy a brother a beer...
The magnificent, handsome, intellegent, wonderful folk at Metal4Africa have made up for what's been a lousy day. They lifted my spirits, allowing my soul to soar among... Ag let's just say they did something really nice and I'm feeling all warm 'n' fuzzy. They featured the band I was in - Grämlich - in their weekly 'Friday Flashback' an initiative that remembers bands form a glorious yesteryear that have made an impact on the scene. Talk about being overwhelmed by a tidal wave of nostalgia... It is a fine honour indeed to be recognised alongside such greats as VOD, Sacraphyx and many more. I believe the motherfucking almighty Pothole is due sometime soon as well. Keep 'em peeled! Here then, is this week's 'Flashback Friday - Grämlich'. ps Go to the Metal4Africa homepage to see what we looked like a decade or more ago...
Also, you should really go and have a good gander at the exploits of my friend Helena Handbasket, gin slinger extraordinaire . I find her expletive ridden tales quite motivating, even inspirational. But not in that lame, cheesy American-with-a-big-fake-smile way. More like the this-is-real-life-and-a-thoroughly-enjoyable-read way. Do it! Clicky clicky.
NGDG: "You know it's been a rough day when you have to undress in the bathroom cubicle to reverse the boxer shorts you realise at noon you'd put on back-to-front that morning."
Spread The Love. No, Really. Spread It.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
I've been meaning to get to this for quite a while now, but haven't ever had a gap. And since my entire life consists of non stop partying, much like this past weekend, replete with being in a permanent state of hungover, I thought it would make a nice change to avoid rehashing the same old crap.
Time for brand new crap altogether!
So - ladies and gentle readers - I present to you the BUCKET LIST:
[*Please note that I only have one or 2 things on my actual Bucket List that I'm absolutely sure of, the rest of it is either made up or completely without substance.]
- I want to sky dive. For real. Out of a perfectly functional plane. I don't think there could be a bigger rush.
- Bungee jumping off Bloukrans. Pretty much the same as skydiving. Pretty much "kak yourself" stuff...
- Get drunk on real tequila in Mexico and eat the worm that's been spending its time soaking up the lovely fire water.
- There's another entire section we'll have to file under NSFW.
- Record a full length album. Surprisingly (or some might say unsurprisingly), even though I've been involved in bands that have been this close, I still do not have a full length release to my name.
- I'd like to upgrade my property to a place large enough to accommodate my small battalion of big dogs. Rottweilers and Boerboele for choice, something I can ride around on.
- On the larger property thing, I would very much like to have a small collection of vines one day, something that could potentially provide enough grapes to let me try and make a bottle or 2 of my own wine. Wouldn't THAT be something!
- Finish my renovations, although I'm not holding my breath on that one...
- Learn to play the cello -or the guitar for that matter!
- Compile a decent Bucket List.
NGDG: "Just remember: there's life changing music out there you've yet to discover, books to read, people who will surprise you, and a thunderstorm on the horizon to cool the evenings you think will be too sticky to sleep. More life, friends! More life!"
Spread The Love. And Indulge In More Life!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
NGDG: "The time for bed's an hour past / but there's still ice in the whiskey glass. Pour a double, save the earth / postpone sleep for malt is mirth.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
It's not the tooth fairy. Like that bloke in that Red Dragon movie.
NGDG: "The quality of one's day is directly proportional to how good one's hair looks."
Spread The Love. Lube-Bottomy Is A Dirty Word.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Because it's considered protocol to disrobe before receiving a thorough pomping. We as a nation of dumb-fuck voter fodder (one must consider the entire populous, not just the exceptionally enlightened who are fortunate enough to be reading this) have obviously been prancing around in a very suggestively short skirt and gaggin' for it.
I should have been hired to write the speech, although I fear that "Mr Push My Spectacles Up With My Middle Finger In A Thinly Veiled Fuck You To The Masses" would struggle with some of the bigger whedds.
I'm sure the opportunistic bastards currently sweating all over the seats of Parliament are quite capable of jobs or portfolios to which they have been appointed. I mean, look at the splendid endeavour they apply to enriching themselves with their "Let them eat cake" attitude. And getting away with it! You have to take your hat off to a group of people with the con skills to keep the masses happy on "we don't have anything, we're just grateful that we have the right to have something"...
Public service? Public service be damned! Public service is for people who care more about their constituents than their personal wealth or power. The last true high profile public servant was Mother Theresa. By definition a politician is "one who displays more cunning, artifice and despicably devious design to leech votes from the downtrodden proletariat."
So. To my version of today's much anticipated speech...
"Oh Hai! Is this thing on?*
Madam Speaker, Ministers, Ladies and Gentlemen, and The Nation.*
You're fucked. We're in bed with China and they hold the purse strings.* We didn't think that out very well, but a few job losses do nothing to deter us from our Africanisation of this Rainbow Nation.* It is all-inclusive.* Even the previously advantaged are fucked.*
I am glad to announce that we have managed to think of ways to fudge the crime statistics to show only marginal increases and bring in unsuspecting tourists that you can rob* - this will from now on be called 'Job Creation'.*
Going forward,* nothing will change no matter how clever Zapiro thinks he is getting with his counter-revolutionary cartoons.*
Goodnight* and thank you for blockading every single road in and out of Cape Town for 2 days, when I could just as easily have done this via Skype, Oprah style.*"
*[Pause for effect, the effect being that I can't read this shit in front of me. Give nationwide television audience the finger...]
And that, folks, is that. Anything else is an utter fabrication.
NGDG: "If I want your advice, I'll Google it."
Spread The Love. Your Nation Needs You.