Tuesday, September 9, 2014


Used without permission.
I apologise for my clearly one track mind.
No, I don't.
It's a picture of a carrot.
And a young lady who clearly values healthy eating.
A carrot is a root.

Once again, it's one of those days...
I'm sitting here balanced precariously on one thumb, hoping against hope that gravity and my exit hole don't conspire to make life even more uncomfortable.
Which reminds me of a particularly unpleasant instruction I received from a young lady I was, right up until that point, seeing in highschool. It was at least fairly conclusive, if a little too embarrassing for my adolescent self confidence, and left me in no doubt as to our future, or lack thereof.
As opposed to that incident many, many years later.

Can you tell I have had a slow day and sweet fuck all on which to report? In fact, I'm only writing today to avoid falling asleep at my desk, drooling into my keyboard and dying by electrocution. It's so quiet everywhere, I feel like I'm on the set of a Bjork video.

I can tell you about my hopes, dreams and aspirations if you'd like. I hope to complete a run after work, although the likelihood of that is diminishing the closer we get to beer'o'clock. Something however, that I am definitely going ahead with is my vineyard. Yes! I'm planting grapes and in a couple of years hope to be able to make some delicious wine. I have a partner in this venture and we've cleared a little piece of paradise in the Constantia valley. There's a palpable sense of anticipation now that we've committed to going ahead with this project. The trellises are going in this weekend and then there's no turning back. We even have a name for our little vineyard, but that's being kept under our hats until we're pretty certain we'll at least be able to bottle a product. Logo design has even started. You know, all the important thing...

Ah yes! What the internet is all about this week (and last) - the upcoming Sepultura gig! I cannot wait! Modern day messiahs of metal, Sepultura have certainly influenced many a burgeoning metal musician, not to mention millions of devoted fans all over the globe. Their intense, tribal, groove-orientated metal mantras have inspired the incorporation of influences that before may not have been considered. When they explored their "roots" the results were groundbreaking! People lost their shit!

And now they're coming to my little home town for the second time. Last time Andreas and I had a moment as he passed me his guitar pick. This happened just after I declined to beat up a very small girl with whom I was struggling for the possession of one of Igor's drumsticks (for my friend JDP). Eventually I let her keep it. Her gargantuan boyfriend was quite the daunting prospect. But not this time. This time I fight anyone who dares argue over memorabilia. I'm going home with the lot! Screw you guys!
But wait, that's not all! For the last time ever! And since you ask, for the first time ever, the almighty Groinchurn will be returning to a stage to bludgeon you to a pulp with their trademark grind! Exciting times! The last time they were in Cape Town I was left bloodied, bruised and completely happy, smiling from ear to ear. Not to mention that - if you order NOW! - we'll throw in the scathing machine-gun metal of ING, Cape Town's own bastard battalion of unPC, uncompromising thrash titans! But you can't go if you don't have tickets! Time is running out! Don't be that arsehole who laments later that they were unaware and wails about missing out!

Anyway, before I slip all the way down my dirty digit, I will bid you farewell. Not forever, just until tomorrow, when my mucky musings will once again soil your conscience.

Be good to one another. And if you're sans other, be good to yourself...

NGDG: If you say "Oh! Not you sir, that was for the idiot in the Porsche, driving in your blind spot" with sufficient conviction, the angry man in his safari suit who drove around the block, to find the runner who flipped him off for driving in the yellow line, will not punch you in the face. Even if he knows there was no Porsche.

Spread The Love. Remember To Eat Your Veggies.

No comments:

Post a Comment