Thursday, March 28, 2013


Have you heard about the latest craze to sweep the internet and be shared by everyone? I have. It's about the concept of "suspended" beverages or eats. The concept is pure genius in its simplicity and rainbow-coloured, unicorn-flavoured in its inherent kindness. Basically, at participating restaurants, cafes or coffee shops, patrons may purchase more then they want for themselves, the remainder of their purchase being "suspended". Those less fortunate among us are then at liberty to inquire politely at the counter if there are any "suspended" goodies in reserve at that time and will benefit from the generosity of an unknown customer. I love it. Not only does it provide the occasional warm coffee to a destitute individual, but it makes it easy and convenient for those in a position to do so, to anonymously contribute to the quality of life of our fellow humans.

In an ideal world, this is a perfectly feasible act of largesse.

In Cape Town, we have a particular brand of homeless person.

Imagine the scenario:
One business decides to participate in this new concept (I'm a cynic, so I'm assuming that at least some of the thinking is "publicity").
Patrons of said outlet dig deep and buy more than their own overpriced latte (because it's already so affordable).
Somehow, without access to the internet, the homeless guy, shivering his arse off on the corner and being largely ignored by almost everyone, hears about this wonderful scheme to temporarily alleviate his misery.

The repercussions are varied and immense:
Word would spread like wild fire.
The entrances would become riot zones.
The patrons - bless their benevolent little hearts - would stop frequenting these places because of the constant flow of hobos inquiring after their free coffee.
Underpaid, overworked employees would have to be the custodians of this cash intensive drive. How long before they decide to "count one, keep money of the next one"?
Not to mention the enterprising nature of our beloved local street folk, who would probably stock up on free shit and start their own stall attempting to sell to their equally desperate brethren.

In short, too few coffee shops and too few patrons give a fuck. Take half an hour to stand and observe the interaction at any red light in Town. ("Hailing Marys left and right...")
The problem is not with the idea itself. The problem is with the implementation against staggering odds.

Now I'm not saying people shouldn't do this. Personally, I will support this initiative. I am going to go out of my way to go to Charly's Bakery and do just that. In all honesty, I'm intrigued to see it in action, more than anything else. And I really hope against the odds that it takes off and flourishes. After all, every little bit helps.

But no good deed goes unpunished.

Fuck. This. World.

NGDG: I understand why they scrapped the death penalty: you keep people hanging this long they're likely to grow more violent. Bah! There's beer at least. And like Dad says: Fuck the rest.

Spread The Love. I Take Mine Black. 

1 comment:

  1. Yannow what, I'm not in Slaapstad, but I'll happily contribute some bucks towards this endeavour. Lemme know and I'll pop some cash through to you