Thursday, October 31, 2013


"Yes, we can!"

"Give us house!" The sentiment echoed across Central Cape Town yesterday, as a group of disgruntled protesters threatened Zille and the very peace that brings thousands of tourists and their exchange-rate-skewed spending power to our shores every year. As it turns out, the only thing floating across Central Cape Town in the end was a few handfuls of pooh. Again. What is it with these people and flinging pooh? And the post-Marikana chastised police stood helpless, reduced to mere witnesses to the outbreak of violence. Evidently, if your cry for free housing is met with stone faced indifference, it's quite acceptable to settle for a box full of wine gums or a knock off handbag, as long as you waddle off with a defiantly smug look plastered on your face.

I'm going to attempt a social experiment. Clearly I have had the privilege of a good education and have been mollycoddled throughout my life, never really knowing what real discomfort feels like. I wouldn't change it for the world. And anyone with even the slightest human compassion in them feels empathy with the struggling, downtrodden masses. But here's a thing. Stop fucking breeding. It's irresponsible. Stop voting in the same bastards who purposely keep you under the whip of socio-economic slavery. It's counterproductive. Stop blaming everyone else. I know... I know... It's far more complicated and truly I empathise, but when I see the behaviour of a desperate proletariat, the indifference of a self righteous ruling party and the rest of the country's political vultures hopping from one foot to the other in bloodthirsty glee over the fast-rotting carcass of our once potentially great nation, I weep.

Politicians? Fuck 'em! The only way to get ahead in that game is to be a bigger shitstick that the other guy. And as in parliament, the same is true in every day life, unfortunately. Come on! Don't even act surprised. You have to admit that everything we do is governed (ahem...) by some level of politicking, be it family life, or work, or even the things we choose as hobbies, sport or interests. There is always some colossal fuckbag trying to better you. The meek shall inherit the earth... The not-so-meek are fucking it up so much so that I don't want it anymore, thanks all the same. Advocating mild mannered contentedness in the face of being taken for a p**s does not sit well with me. "Be happy with the right to vote, the right to believe the utter wank we sell you every year come elections, and the right to your free tshirt!" "We will mobilise the cadres against the evil that is (in our opinion so very ironically named) the Democratic Alliance! Death to the bitch and more disease and squalor to the few of our supporters left as we bus in more to share an already overburdened patch of sand!" Oh, well, at the risk of coming across insensitive, at least that one lady got her some wine gums.

And now I've completely forgotten what experiment I was going to conduct. Bugger. Probably something along the lines of going down to the Department Of Housing and demanding a free house of my own. Seeing as I'm one of the privileged colonial devils I'm supposed to be, perhaps government will see fit to cave in to my urgent plea. Or maybe not...

There is however, good news. Last night's DOOM practice went very well. It's a sign o' the times, folks. In a last ditch attempt to make something of our musical aspirations, we are scoring the evidently imminent downfall of the world as we know it...

And if this miserable little missive has left you feeling disillusioned and let down by humanity, just remember: we still have it mighty good compared to other parts of the world. There is still civil war, unjust law and American interference in for'n parts. Be grateful for the small mercies. Help a brother out where you can and little by little, we will eventually be alright. Unless we descend into further anarchy, in which case I'm going to form a band called the Beitbridge Bollocks Brigade and re-record the Sex Pistols classic in Shona and Ndebele.

NGDG: Joey Jordison should've kept the mask on.

Spread The Love. Let's See You Fuckers Out In The Rain Today.

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