GRAN, WHY ARE YOUR TEETH SO BIG?

Appropriate...

It is with great sadness, but equal amounts of joy that I look forward to the final show of one of our most beloved bands tomorrow night. The SABRETOOTH EXTINCTION show at ROAR is a tremendously unhappy occasion, not only marking the demise of an incredibly talented and much loved group, but also because it so neatly highlights the shortcomings of the music industry in our fair land. I am however, grateful that I am able to make the show, as I wasn't going to previously and that would have been unforgivable.

See how I oh so very slyly inserted the word unforgivable. Like trophy hunting, a hot topic on the lips and fingertips of a fuming, incensed South African Faeceboobs public right now.

I like eating meat. I realise that the opinions of the militantly vegan and mine will never overlap in that regard. I accept this and acknowledge that some of the more unscrupulous operators in the meat industry dish out misery, terror and inhumane conditions second to none. This is one of the main reasons I refuse to eat fast food. It embodies the pinnacle of this beastly behaviour for profit. I'm fine with chucking a steak on a fire, though I am physically repulsed by the mere thought of killing an animal that is seen as a domestic pet, an apex predator or a symbol of a nation. There is nothing majestic about bovine indifference. Trophy hunting should be abolished. Everyone involved should seriously reconsider their intentions and picture their beloved Grandmother's head spiked on a wooden plaque hanging over the mantelpiece.
If you insist on using the argument that it is fulfilling a demand and creating employment, then you paint the participants as philanthropists. This is not the case. Otherwise they would donate their riches to worthy causes without resorting to the brutality of bloodsport. This kind of thinking has led to the demise of many, many (too many) species and mankind should feel ashamed. Flaunting your ability to kill using technology that tilts the scales so unfairly is nothing more than cowardice. Consider your outrage should your 6 year old little sister, daughter or niece be forced to scrum against the full Springbok pack - for her life!

So, being a meat eater (I also wear leather shoes and trousers) makes me the ultimate hypocrite in this argument. Where does one draw the line? Does one laud the hunter and condemn the barbarity of poaching? Have you taken into consideration the disparate nature of the two perpetrators? One is contributing to the economy, whilst one is desperate to feed his family? Do we condone the meat industry, but absolutely lose our shit when someone comes over here and shoots one of our lions? Would you have felt differently had it been a Kudu? Would your choice of biltong for the rugby have altered? The lines are blurred. Blood on sand tends to go that way.

I'll be enjoying my tasty lamb chop in quiet self loathing.

And just in case you are left feeling like I've been a shade too ambiguous in my ramblings, here is a succinct summary:

1. Eating meat is fucking awesome, as long as my feelings of guilt are assuaged by the belief that the meat I buy wasn't treated atrociously in its lifetime.
2. I draw my own personal line at hunting.
3. Poachers and the people that fuel the demand for rhino horn, ivory and the like should all be butchered unceremoniously and without mercy.

I suggest we offer convicted poachers (and those with erectile dysfunction and a hankerin' for muti) as the quarry in professional hunting! Two birds... ahem.

See you all at the farewell show of one of our own apex predators tomorrow night. Their manes and their melodies will forever live on! RIP the magnificent Sabretooth!

NGDG: When the manager offers you an 18 year old for your birthday you say yes please. When it's a whiskey that good you don't say you expected something else.

Spread The Love. It's OK Eat Fish Coz They Don't Have Any Feelings...