Friday, March 14, 2014


In order to appreciate the humour in the title of this post you have to pronounce "fillet" the way French people do and try your best not to remember that someone somewhere has already made this joke. Or many someones.

Anyway, like the 2010 World Cup Football, IT IS HERE!!!

Steak And Blowjob Day!

Should be every day if you ask me. And while I am writing this, one of the more erudite of my acolytes has just pointed out the dearth of what she quaintly called "Pasta and Muff Day". Kinda rude. You could have gone with 'Tagliatelle n Tongue' or something of that nature, but I do get the picture. Well, let's start at the beginning...

SnBJ Day came (hahahaha) about as a tit for tat over Valentine's Day when it was perceived that the romantic responsibility was all on the man. You know, bringing flowers and chocolate and that sort of shit. And candlelit dinners and whatnot. The more brazenly barbarian revolted and insisted on a day one month later which celebrated the opposite of all that schmaltzy nonsense. Hence SnBJ Day.

So insisting that there be a Cake and Cunnilingus Day is just superfluous. I put it to you that if you have to set aside one day in which to experience your partner lavishing this sort of attention on you, be you man or woman, you are doing the relationship thing all wrong! Every day should be BOTH Day! Like Spaghetti and SixtyNine Day or something... Can you imagine the 'Lady And The Tramp' permutations...

Anyway, dear, dear reader, let me not keep you from your destiny. Go home. Don't forget to stop at the store on the way home and buy some decent rump. If you're a guy and you're single, fear not, your time will come. *Cough* And if you're a lady and not exactly thrilled at the prospect, please bear this in mind. He will eventually go and find someone who is.

Whichever end of the activity you find yourself on later, enjoy it to the best of your ability. Wholeheartedly!

And always remember, when it comes (fuck, I did it again) to Steak And Blowjob Day, one should always be rare and one should always be well done. Confusing the 2 should be punishable by death.

NGDG: People say to me sometimes, when they're not being bastards, "you're so funny." Really life does all the work, you just need to piece it together. Today I had a haircut. That would be a dull status. I try avoid that sort of thing. It's true and yes, mum will like it, and it's still a better love story than Twilight, but you want to sparkle for realsies. You probably told the barber what you wanted. "Short here, longer there." Also boring; and if you're going to be boring at least be brief. You need more information. This is where observation comes in: the Pistorius trial is on TV in the salon. More boredom - it ain't LA Law. But suddenly your barber puts down the scissors to show you a picture on his phone of him with Oscar, who is one of his clients. Retroactively, a joke occurs: "I asked him for a lady-killer haircut. I went to the right guy."

Spread The Love. Don't Neglect The Balls.

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