MY NO MAKE UP SELFIE

Congratulations to those brave souls who exposed themselves on social media sans war paint. It probably took a lot of guts. (I'm guessing, since for most of you it's too early to be drunk.) It's commendable and for a good cause. Raising awareness is important no matter how many people cry "Slacktivist!" I'm sure that people all over TheRealFaceBook, as it's known today, have (quite literally) been shocked from their reverie. And to those who felt a little too naked without their inch thick armour, thanks to you too. There's probably a reason. Actually, I am being a total bastard, there are some truly beautiful people out there, despite Mar1lyn Man5on's interpretation. Now there's someone you wouldn't want to see in the plain light of day...

It's funny how the lyrical thrust of the latest song I'm working on is all about the exact opposite. Pretty painted vacuous vessels. Bless their black little hearts.

Well, as you can probably guess, I'm irritable and tired. I have no life and I'm focused solely on the weekend's upcoming gigs. I could tell you about my weekend... It involved football with a bunch of sweaty old geezers and resulted in near fatal paralysis. And that was just me. I could tell you about the hours spent cleaning in my home in anticipation of the post-football braai, but then I'd have to tell you about how even those best laid plans got ditched in favour of the Mitchells taps at Villa Tavern. At least I no longer live in squalor. I could regale you with tales of being forced to choose between a long, long list of "ground up meat in a wrap" (yes, I went to a Mexican restaurant), but then I'd have to tell you about the Tequila hangover and Tarty would get upset because she wasn't there.

Oh yes! The other thing on TheRealFaceBook today! People were sharing their "most important albums in my life" lists with each other. Other than it being a bit of a dick swinging contest, it serves only to frustrate. I tried. I failed miserably. I can't even identify a Top 50, never mind a Top 12. It's an exercise in futility. And as someone who spent the majority of his life judging people purely on their music tastes, it does nothing to enhance anyone's reputation. Also, I very much doubt everyone was entirely honest, instead posting the 12 coolest albums they could think of. Mandy Smith was HUGELY influential in the formation of my tastes. My sister bought me the album. Samantha Fox as well. And Madonna. And everything from Pet Shop Boys to Public Enemy. Beatles to Bolt Thrower. Lisa Gerrard to London After Midnight. Dead Kennedys to Disincarnate. INXS to Immolation. I could go on... My list of 12 was just a hollow Musica version of the real thing. So I politely decline on the grounds of sheer scale of impossibility.

I can tell you what I would have on my Most Hated List...

1. All "Hail! Hail! Chainmail! Fail!" metal, except Manowar's 'Triumph Of Steel'.
2. All hip-hop after the mid nineties.
3. Boo!
4. The entire Iron Maiden discography.
5. Die Antwoord.
6. Jack Parow.
7. Every single chord, note and miserable fucking syllable for which Dave Mustaine has EVER been responsible, except his noteworthy contribution to 'Kill 'Em All'.
8. Anything formed on the basis of a reality TV talent search.
9. Tom Fucking Jones.
10. Very surprisingly, Nick Cave.
11. Anything that falls under the heading "massive nostalgic hit that turns otherwise intelligent people into drunken Kevin Bacons at weddings and other such celebratory gatherings".
12. Post 'Joshua Tree' U2.

Now that I think of it, there's a lot more to this list as well. Rage Against The Machine, post 'Black' album Metallica, all of Eddie Vedder's whining... but that's all too predictable and easy.

NGDG: Our waitress is called Lovelace. After enthusiastically singing her namesake's praises I discover it's after an African handcream, not a teenage pornstar. My food is totally getting spat on.

Spread The Love. Linda Showed You The Way.