A NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS

"I think I have something stuck in my molar, look!"

Everywhere else in the world, this is known as a classic stop animation film by Tim Burton with too much damn singing. In The Mother City it's known as tourist season. I can't imagine just how kak it's going to be after next weekend when we deal with the added influx of our local foreigners. I suppose it's the price we pay for having Paradise to ourselves for the rest of the year. At least visually it still resembles the garden of Eden. If you don't believe me just pop off down to Clifton or Camps Bay and check out all the bodies in the modern day equivalent of the fig leaf.

Blast and buggery! I still have shopping to do. I managed to get a lot of it online. Bless the intrawebnets. But I still need to venture out into the dreaded "Jingle Bells Zone" otherwise know as a "mall" to get the rest. Luckily I have done my research and plan to be in and out with minimum collateral damage to any fellow shoppers that stray inadvertently into my path. Then beat a hasty retreat home and sit in front of the beer fridge, dribbling.

At least I'm back in the land of the living, after having dawdled on death's door for a few miserable days. Now, if only Durban's weather would fuck off. It's giving me a headache. So I'm back to being fitter than a fighting fiddle again. I wonder if that jogging thing I used to do is still worth it. Probably. But it's like getting into cold water, fine once your IN it, a bitch to GET into...

Which brings us conveniently to the music insert of the post...

Justin Bieber. He's going to play here. Who cares? Apparently the crying, wailing, sobbing teenagers who are about to find out what a "scalper" does. I still don't see how they get away with it. Not the ticket shylocks, the Bieber fans. Shouldn't a crime of that magnitude get you expelled from the ranks of humanity summarily? Or at the very least propel you to the upper echelons of public office?
And speaking of unspeakable atrocities, Chris Brown is also visiting our shores. In his case, as heinous as his so called music is, it's not a patch on his criminal past. He is a convicted abuser of women. He - now pay careful attention, kiddies - was found guilty of physically abusing (that's 'moering') his girlfriend at the time, Rihanna. And then the wonderful folks at GandG Productions had the good grace to start putting up posters announcing this cocksmoker's arrival while we were observing 16 Days Of Activism Against The Abuse Of Women And Children. Although it can be argued that Big Concerts are inflicting on us an even worse form of abuse with The Bieb...

So what of all the right wing Calvinists that had their noses so severely out of joint for that hideous harridan, The Gaga? Where are they now? Why are they not kicking up a stink and picketing and protesting against the vile and villainous Brown? Oh, sorry. Wife beating. Practically fucking defines 'em.

Anyway, I am in the fortuitous position of not being obliged to go and watch either of these so called artists. I am just left to lament the state of music the world over as I sit and contemplate what went wrong in the last 20 years, stuck in concert day traffic. Listening to Paradise Lost. And touching myself.

Please do not get me started on the report that Sir Paul McCartney is set to front a once off reunion show with Nirvana in place of Kurt Cobain. I am still hoping it is an elaborate prank and that Dave Grohl is having a chuckle and wank at our collective expense.

NGDG: It worries me that decisions that influence our lives are made in a place called Mangunk.

Spread The Love. We All Stand Together.