Tuesday, January 14, 2014
MORE THAN A HANDFUL
...if the prevailing opinion is to be believed, is a waste.
I heartily disagree. There is something magical about excess boobage that will forever enthrall the minds of men (and some ladies). Now this is not a slight on the slight - rather a big up to the buxom. Although there is such a thing as too big. I think the perfect ratio should be something like one cup size larger than your hand. Me? Objectify women? Nah. I'm just mesmerized by boobs.
Speaking of hands. I'm particularly sensitive... having to hold on desperately to the illusion that I can operate an instrument and all... If I had my way, I'd walk around like that hand model in Zoolander - paws safely ensconced in acrylic protective chambers. But then I always end up damaging them anyway. Like on Saturday. There was blood. Mr Cool over here decided to ignore the fact that there weren't any bottle openers and use the ol' spoon/lighter/anything available trick to open a bottle of beer. Not only did I spill beer when the top broke off, but copious amounts of blood as half my knuckle all but got severed completely. I felt more foolish than in real pain. That came later.
Also, I have been watching the footie. Why in the name of all that's holy do footballers feel is necessary to wrap white elastoplast around their wrists? Is it to remind them which part of their body they aren't allowed to use? Is it to keep their hands attached to their arms? Are they all recovering suicide cases? There has yet to be a feasible explanation.
Speaking of fun things to do with your hands, I'm convinced 'One Direction' is named in reference to 'The Human Centipede' and is an industry insider's joke for how we allow ourselves to be force-fed shit.
Anyway, this evening I attempt to right the many wrongs of modern day music in my own little way. Practice resumes in earnest for the year, lopped off finger or not. You may refer to me as Tony. Just don't wet yourself laughing at the absurdity.
NGDG: If I find the toilet occupied when I want to use it, I take my revenge by turning off all the lights.
Spread The Love. All Over The Cleavage.