Puritans. No fun...
So. We get to experience Lamb Of God live on Friday here in our little fishing village at the southernmost tip of Africa. Well, close enough. Land of opportunity. Home to the greatest democracy on Earth (on paper). We have one of the best constitutions ever - bestowing upon each and every citizen the right to stuff. Not actual stuff, just the unalienable right. Before that, no bands ever came here. We were the toilet of the world, even though our rugby and arms manufacturers were world class. Since discarding the safari suits and sock combs in favour of a tenuous veneer of brotherhood, international acts have flocked here in order to squeeze a few more dollars from failing, flagging careers. We've even been privileged enough to see some relevant bands. Depeche Mode, at the pinnacle of their career, were here in 1994, a day I shall never forget. We NEVER speak of that other band who cancelled their show at UCT...
And now - thanks to the tireless efforts of our dear friends at RAM Touring, we get Lamb Of God. Cue the religious fanatics going all Old Testament on us. Westboro Baptist Church style. Now, I've been listening to so called "evil music" for as long as I care to remember. I can understand from some of the antics, lyrics or even the idiotic way that some of these artists choose to dress, that one may think of them as 'evil'. It's all relative. Certainly some of it is very much intended to be as blasphemous and as upsetting to organised religion as possible, most of the time as a direct reaction to something they find equally offensive from the so-called 'good' side.
You gotta see these okes, though. Please have a good chuckle at these knuckle heads of the Lighuis Bediening:
"this is urgent Its about a heavy metal band.. the lamb of god.. this is a name that blasphemys our Lord Jesus ..they are going to be in jhb next Saturday with many satanic high priests joining them. they plan to do sexual orgies, and sacrificeing to satan. this past weekend a murder took place at the site the concert was held.. they are planing to pray over south Africa for the elections to be full of violence. They sing songs like "walk with me in hell". Our aim as Christians should be to pray against all things like this, they are happening right under our noses. Please go to prayer."
Fuck, really? I want in on the sex orgies!
Without so much as a glance at what they are shooting down - not one iota of effort into understanding - they crusade like rabid maniacs to condemn a band just because it's metal, and by their narrow definition, evil. Don't get me wrong. I am religious myself. I do not religion bash. If people can find solace in whichever form of spirituality, then I say good for them. But I am embarrassed to death by these ignorant arseholes. Can such archaic belief still be tolerated in today's society? Are we all just bowing to the overwhelming heathen tendencies of the world? Or do you have a comb in your sock?
Next, you're going to be telling me that Mind Assault are demonic. Mind you, the prank they pulled on their rhythm guitarist was utterly diabolical. Genius often is...
I just got so brilliantly duped that I have to share it... and share my relief!
So, this yank phones me up, which I considered plausible at the time because it is such dirty work he was set about to that I'm sure ***** would not have had the stomach to do it himself; starting the conversation with the question of "what exactly is the translation of 'Mag Verkrag'?", and then proceeding to inform me that LOG management needs us to whittle down our set to a meager 15 minutes because they've listened to our two new tracks and were concerned about quality; and so the band wanted to use more of the time for their own performance. Furthermore, they wanted all Afrikaans tracks excluded from the set, because they don't know what the lyrics are about. With my blood already close to boiling and my brain jiggling between fight or flight, I then asked if the same cut on time was being instructed of our fellows in The Drift; to which the shit promptly replied "actually, we'd like if they could also play longer..." which was my tipping point of outburst!!! The laughter on Don's side of the telephone call was something to behold
Bastards! I'm still shaking like a leaf...
I nearly died...
But getting back to the Ninja Turtle burners...
The music you listen to does more damage to the youth of today than that band some kid was listening to when he went on a killing spree in his school. No one ever blames the misogynist message in hip-hop/pop/country for the rape/abuse epidemic in the world. But let one kid wear a Slipknot tshirt... They're not even that fucking hardcore. Imagine the evangelical outcry if they ever got hold of Gorgoroth, or Marduk, or the like? By the way, if you haven't seen Behemoth's new video, now's a bloody good time.
Ag, I suppose I should just shut up. No one is ever going to convince these clueless crusaders that they're wrong and that there is no threat to the sanctity and serenity of their myopic lives or the souls of their inbred offspring. Similarly, it's hardly likely that people brought up on a healthy diet of SLAYER and common sense will ever miraculously give in to the overtures of the neurotic naysayers. KISS does not stand for 'Knights In Satan's Service' any more than GOD stands for 'Goats On Demand' or BTW is 'Beelzebub The Wicked'....
Or for that matter, 'LOL' means 'Lemmy, Our Lord'...
So, instead of attempting to crucify something which may even contain helpful (if misunderstood) message for our times (sound familiar?), why don't you try and see beyond your own red mist of intolerance? And all you oh-so-clever Christian bashers, go and do some good, instead of sneering derisively from the sidelines. If everyone did one fucking helpful thing for someone else, instead of barricading themselves behind their own beliefs, we'd all be a lot better off.
NGDG: Eventually the only thing a Weylandt's customer likes more than R69 000 driftwood is silicone titties.
Spread The Love. ERMEGEERRRDDD LERMEGEEERRRDDDD!
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