I have a question. Actually, I have many questions. Like 'How is it possible that humanity has allowed its own entertainment to devolve so dramatically?' or 'How come no-one's thought of a boob-burger yet?"
But the topic I'd like to address today is animal testing. Now before you gear up to go all teary-eyed-indignant-PC-animal-crusader on me, thereby confirming your status as self appointed guardian of all things humane and ruler of the online higher ground because you know where the share button is, let me stress that this is not a post in which I am attempting to make myself look like a bleeding heart who lives in a pooh hut in Joostenbergvlakte surrounded by a gazillion rescued shelter animals. On the contrary, I live in an urban dwelling too small to house the dog I so crave. Or dogs, plural. I don't even like cats. And am pathologically terrified of birds. Also, for the sake of avoiding any accusations of hypocrisy, I am an avid meat eater and although I am painfully aware that a lot of the meat I eat is more than likely from a source which doesn't always practice the most humane farming methods, I still braai as often as I can.
So here goes... And I'm hoping for a cogent argument, for or against, as I am trying my best to understand why this is still allowed to happen in this day and age of apparent enlightenment. How is it still necessary to use domestic animals for lab testing to ensure that (mostly) cosmetic products are safe for humans to use?
My feeling is that the basis of all cosmetics - the ingredients and the formulas - are pretty much established and have been for many years. Surely the active ingredients that form the chemical building blocks of these products are by now documented and used universally. Anti-aging cream... Same shit for everyone bar the packaging - or am I wrong? What then remains variable? Colour? I'm not convinced the giant cosmetic firms have teams of scouts scouring the Bornean rain forests discovering new toad venom that may or may not help Edna with her bunions. So the chances that new "secret ingredients" (a ruse to fool rubes, incidentally) being discovered on such a consistent basis is very low, if not non-existent. Then what in the ever-loving fuck are they still testing? We know humans eventually develop emphysema from tobacco smoke. We know that poking your eye with a mascara wand will lead to tears. We know that too much hydrochloric acid in your hand cream might lead to some discomfort. Surely the decades of brutally cruel testing have yielded such vast and conclusive results that they cover every eventuality. Is the market so competitive that manufacturers are forced to up the ante by adding nitroglycerin to their eye drops just to move units? For fuck's sake, even Jacques Kallis's ex wipes snail slime on herself for Verimark or whatever... Botox hasn't killed Helen Zille yet, you can release the monkeys!
And do the HIGHLY EDUCATED and therefore, I assume, not complete fucktards administering this barbaric torture - because bunnies and beagles are more expendable than humans - not feel the pangs of compassion like a red hot sword through the heart? Do they go merrily into work every day, after kissing their immaculately made up wives goodbye, and joke around the office and eat their polony sandwiches as the rats whine and cringe and scream and suffer? How long does one need to work in a lab like this before you become desensitized? Or is the orientation video enough?
If someone can offer a cogent argument for this practice I am more than willing to listen. I will not label you monster or super villain. I am genuinely interested in finding out if there is any valid reason why this should still be of any necessity. I am of course a layman in the world of animal
Activists - please refrain from using this as a platform upon which to further your own agenda. We are as painfully aware of your compassion as we are of the heinous nature of the topic under discussion. And it is after all just that, a discussion. And the entire point is to see if there is another side to the story, no matter how unpopular. Just remember, onions and lentils suffer as well.
And just because you've had the patience to make it through this entire diatribe without vomiting, and to make up for causing you any personal discomfort, here, have a video of cute dogs after being rescued from a lab testing facility. It's a feel good romp the likes of which haven't been seen since the holiday montage in American Pie and the reason I put finger to keyboard this morning.
NGDG: My only complaint about Playboy's Facebook posts is the lack of articles.
Spread The Love. Test On Animal Abusers.