Friday, June 6, 2014


A well placed foot could kickstart any fetish.

I only blog because The Hot Girlfriend won't allow me to grow an ironic beard. I maintain it's because it will make me look like a proper viking, therefore making me entirely irresistible to ALL of the ladies, but she says it pricks when I kiss her. And I like kissing her, so I go through the maddened rage of shaving once a week. It's an ongoing inner turmoil, and a struggle for acceptance in my local hood. I heart Woodstock...

Well, I do. GetWine has just opened a branch right by my house.

Getting back to why I do this... I dabble in lots of things. I'm told I have a curious mind. If you look curious up in the dictionary, you will discover that it has 2 meanings: 'inquisitive' and 'peculiar'. Your choice. Anyway, sometimes things stick, so essentially my mind is more like fly paper than anything else. And equally dirty.
It all started with a night out and wine. Naturally. As alluded to above, I quite dislike being lumped in with all the hipsters and other nefarious unmentionables that populate the blogosphere. I was rather averse to the whole idea to begin with. But my good friend and fellow mischief maker, Tarty Farty Tequila Party was adamant she would become a blogger and regale the world with extravagant tales of her misadventures as she bounces through life, assaulting whichever situation she encounters with the sheer force of her smile and infectiously upbeat outlook. But needed a little encouragement.
Up steps Mister-Knight-In-Shining-Armour-Who-Is-Already-Under-Full-Sail-Never-Mind-A-Few-Too-Many-Sheets-To-The-Wind and quite naturally says something along the lines of "Sounds like a lark. I'll start one, so you don't have to do it alone"

Then I realised that I could be as vocal as I wanted to on my very own virtual soapbox and no one could bitch me out for my opinion or interrupting them or speaking loudly and with conviction, as so often happens in real life. And I kinda liked it. (In this regard, I am very much on the same page as Katy Perry. See above.)

I went on to specialise in conning readers into clicking on my posts and reading the puerile brain farts devoid of any worthwhile content by enticing them with erotic pictures that objectify women. Occasionally I slip in a serious piece or advertise some important event just to keep you from deleting me altogether, thereby rendering me internet-moot, which is a fate worse than debt and one for which I am ill-prepared. My rampant narcissism would force my physical being to implode and my soul to leak through the cheap laminate flooring.

Are you still reading?

Before I sign off and bid you adieu in the run up to another weekend, I'll leave you with this: Tarty Farty Tequila Party has yet to produce her very, very, very, very, very long awaited list of attributes the female of the species finds attractive in us poor men. I'm sure that with a little cajoling we can make it a long overdue reality. I think a bit of cybernagging is called for, what say you?

Go forth and be irreverent!

NGDG: Spare change. Now spare thoughts. These homeless really are demanding.

Spread The Love. Give Something To Alleviate The Plight Of The Homeless In This Awful Weather.

1 comment:

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