Thursday, August 28, 2014


There really hasn't been an awful lot on which to report of late. I haven't felt remarkably witty or shitty, so nothing going for me there in terms of blogfodder. It's been fairly ordinary in my life - the usual contentedness and slogging away - making music at great expense and no great expectation of anything in return.

I did however get taken out for dinner on Monday night by the ever effervescent Tarty Farty Tequila Party. Den Anker is an enchanting place tucked away in the Waterfront, specialising in Belgian cuisine and sporting an impressive selection of Belgian beer. NOT fucking craft beer, which is just prepackaged piss brewed in someone's garage and then given the equivalent of an ironic moustache as a label and sold to people who "trend". The highlight of every visit to Den Anker - and I've been there a few times - is the intriguing tradition of relinquishing one's left shoe to the server when ordering a Kwak beer. The reason given is that the glass and wooden stand in which the beer is served usually proves too tempting for the thieves among us to resist and the shoe becomes a sort of insurance policy as it's deposited into a large wicker basket and hoisted out of reach above the bar. Even when you're sitting in the fine dining area. And heaven help you should you need to go to the toilet half way through savouring your Kwak.
Anyway, a delightful evening out with the Tart was had - as always. Soon we go away en masse to celebrate her birthday and the anniversary of my potjiekos victory! Somehow there's always food and drink involved...

Let's see - what can I whinge about? ALS Ice Bucket Challenge? Other than its inherent annoyance factor, I actually think it's a rather novel way to raise awareness and has been very successful in raising funds. It's the shrivelled dickheads who clamber on the passing bandwagon and embrace the latest thing hashtagging without making a material donation that get me down. Ok, so now I'm more aware of Lou Gehrig's Disease. I'm still going to focus my charity on animals. I also happen to be aware of cancer, AIDS, cirrhosis, ebola, man flu and stupidity, all life threatening diseases, but I'd rather give my money and time to the local doggie shelter if it's all the same to you. I'm genuinely surprised no one has yet accused big pharmaceutical companies of a conspiracy to start this challenge in order to sell more cold and flu medication. A cold shower is not on my bucket list.

My bucket list often changes. When I was younger I wanted nothing more than to fling myself off the highest bridge with an elastic band around my ankles. Elastic bands are also used to eventually make lamb's nuts drop off.
I also wanted to travel to Mexico and drink real tequila with real Mexicans, worm and all. Then I realised Mexico is far. I also found myself opting for Jagermeister every time someone offered me a shot.
It goes without saying that there are a number of bands that I would kill to see. However, it occurred to me that for the price of a plane ticket, I could avoid being bummed to death in Polsmoor, so perhaps I should just look into a European holiday. And seeing as how Witchdoctor Productions is currently on a hell-driven mission to bring every band ever to South Africa, I might just wait around a little before dialing Flight Centre.
Here's hoping I still get to enjoy Swans, The Cure, Fields Of The Nephilim, Paradise Lost and My Dying Bride before I shuffle loose this mortal coil. I was thinking of trying to document all the bands I have seen, but realised that would simply take far too long. (This is NOT an invitation to my friends to gloat about the bands they have seen. It's just going to earn you some thinly veiled contempt.)

Speaking of the bands currently booked to come here, let's see if we can name them all, shall we? Sepultura, Behemoth, Konkhra, Septic Flesh, Epica, Fleshgod Apocalypse, Alestorm, Belphegor, Kataklysm, Aborted, At The Gates and a handful of "to be confirmed"s - things are indeed looking rosy. Not to mention all the awesome locally hewed metal...  I suppose I should mention the Foo Fighters as well, but I'm not going. Neither am I going to bother with the Kings Of Chaos, or whatever. But it's a sign of a thriving and vital live entertainment industry and South Africa is now becoming a destination of choice. If only the poverty stricken among us would shut their fucking gobs about the ticket prices and the occasional need to travel. "A man walks into a Ferrari shop with a handful of R20 notes and gives the smarmy salesman a withering glare..."

Anyway, my true and faithful fans and friends (All 8 of you including my Cuzzin)... Have a splendid day. I'm going to get on with the very pressing business of distracting myself with online curiosities until it's time to go home and nap. Then I'll try and block out the world's appalling decline with as much booze as I can ingest and start the entire horrible cycle again with tomorrow's terrifying hangover.


Before I go, actually... Helpful Hint Of The Day:
If you would like your goose to take the Ice Lolly Challenge and have made the wrong choice and are stuck with it (her), fear not! I have the solution! In our product endorsement section today, go and pick out something that will melt even the most frigid of hearts at Martin Barnard Manufacturing Jewellers.

NGDG: Liberia has called up the army to halt its Ebola outbreak. I'm not convinced a gang of twelve-year olds high on mandrax toting AK47s is the best containment measure.

Spread The Love. Fresh Batteries For Your Vibrator.

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