Thursday, April 5, 2012


Easter. Not only a time to get in your 3litre Ford and motor on down to the coast so you can wistfully sit and consume your 1 litre brandy whiff your 2 litre Coke. Or is it more about the Bunnies? Personally I'm with Hef on this one...

Although having to choose seems a little daunting. Not to mention please. At his age he should get a medal just for making it to the bathroom.

Getting back to the mass exodus out of Jo'burg... This morning the only thing on morning tv, which is bad enough on any day, was talk, talk and more talk about making our roads safer during this manic period of travelling. All sorts of rhetoric was bandied about by people that probably don't even drive themselves around due to their elevated positions of power in parliament. Gems like "please don't overload your taxis" or "make sure your vehicle is roadworthy and you stop for sufficient rest breaks". Pah!Lease! The traditional transgressors don't give a flying fuck about that kind of stuff. They deal in death all day, every day on our urban streets. Why should they suddenly develop a collective conscience? It's a case of getting the most fares squished in and that's that. And do you think the truck driver working for an unscrupulous cad of a boss gives two shits about not overtaking on a treacherous corner when he has unreasonable deadlines for delivery? Not a sausage!

Not to mention the general road worthiness of the vehicles on our roads. It cost me more than the average commuter earns in a month just to put on 2 new tyres over the weekend. So what do you think the chances are the taxi operators care?

Wake up and smell the proletariat!

This is why I have no intention of travelling anywhere. Not only have our roads turned into real life Carmageddon experiences, but the fucking cops are also out in their droves. Obviously you'd think that they would be tasked with impounding previously discussed unroadworthy vehicles. Oh no. I'm much more of an easy target. And so, dear gentle reader, are you. You see, we can afford to pay fines and go to court, therefor we are what is known as a soft target. So for the love of all things holy, DO NOT take any chances this long weekend. DO NOT even consider having a tipple and then driving anywhere. "Papa wag vir jou, ne..."

I know that's rich coming from me, the reigning national champion of Drunk Driving, but I have changed. A while back actually. Is a sinner not allowed to become a better, less bum assaulted person?

Anyway, the lovely Tarty Farty Tequila Party is taking my sorry sinner's arse (luckily now in no danger of any sort of nefarious attention) to lunch tomorrow. This is exciting indeed. I'm looking forward to seeing if I can handle traditional Cape Malay curries without blubbering like a little girl holding a headless Barbie.

And then it's dress rehearsal time for the big show. Be sure to be at 'Symphonaire Infernus' next weekend. It's gonna blow you away...

Sunday is faculty lunch with the right (dis)honourable Dean of Univer City and his beautiful wife, El Slapperino.

Even Monday is booked. So much for some R'n'R on the long weekend...

Oh yes! And whatever you do, make sure you buy your Hot Cross Buns from the right retailer. That is all...

NGDG: "Today launches Operation Retire before 35, which is probably oxymorical in the Infinite-Freedom style of operations, because it'll likely take a bit longer than anticipated."

Spread The Love. Hug A Vaalie. To Death.

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