Thursday, August 1, 2013

RANT RANTY McRANT RANT

Busbeys - the hides to seek...

Is not something I am going to do today. Life is good. It's filled to the brim with wankers and Kardashians, but it's good nonetheless. The sun is shining. Cape Town as a general populace has embraced the fine weather as if it's tourist season. The masses are out in full force on the promenade and I am feeling content, sweaty and fucking broken...

...yesterday's run was possibly a little on the ambitious side. Fuck, I nearly keeled over. What's the point of doing one of the most scenic runs on God's green earth if you can't see through the dizzy red haze of bloody death swarming in front of your half mast eyes, all but obliterating the view? Of course it has the opposite effect when some spandex clad filly comes cantering along, seemingly effortlessly, and you suddenly turn into the Bruce Fordyce of Clifton, not wanting to come across as the cardiac candidate you, in fact, are. Bounce, bounce, into the sunset...

Oh, hang on. Let me just get up and put on the Ashes.

Speaking of bands (only a few of you will get that one), last night's practice was an absolute cracker. I can't wait to share the fucking amazingness with all of you. Not long now, my flock...

So, what else is rotten, eh Denmark? Robert Mugabe is still alive. Well, animated enough to be rigging elections, at any rate. He kind of puts me in mind of the sand-driven Nazi fuck from Hellboy. The bastard just won't fucking die. Perhaps he IS the Chosen One. Even so, he wears a tea cloth. Fuck him! Vote for the other guy.

And now let me explain about the internet. The internet is for porn. Then, like everything else, mainstream conscience went and done tooked it over. Now it's for shameless selfies and shameless self-promotion. It allows any old idiot to have a voice. It allows the free access to any information, song or movie. It allows, according to some, the complete enslavement of the free and the civilised societies that make use of it. Hahaha! I operate under a pseudonym. I'll be allowed to spread my muck and filth as long as I want! But it's changed the way we do "life". People are becoming more and more pallid. One very positive thing that has happened is the ability to buy shit without going to a mall, for which I am eternally grateful. Perhaps shares in FedEx or Mr Delivery are a good option...

And here is the portion of today's vent that makes me sound like an old woman with a damp panty. To the person who sees fit to steal my and my friends' shit at parties and similar events, pray to fuck I don't find out who you are. I am not by nature a violent person, but I would be very hard pressed not to bliksem you good and solid if I find out you're the one who has my very, very valuable watch (monetary and sentimental). You have made those people around me very upset, and as a result, very wary of relaxing in places and situations in which they should be enjoying the atmosphere instead of worrying about which scaly fuck is going to make off with their valuables. Stray Tupperware at a braai is one thing, my 21st gift from my parents, not so much... And that's not the only thing.

And on to more pleasant news. Tonight marks the inaugural Dinner Club with new members Commander Conker and Rose Thorn. We've reached the stage in our lives where we are forced to play musical chairs in order to keep up a steady circle of friends, the regular pregnancies taking their toll on social interaction. So, quite excited then about that. Until, of course, it's my turn to be shunned from the trough of plenty because I have a lightie on the way. I hope that I'm not forced to give up the footie one day. That would qualify as a true travesty.

Anyway, here's hoping you have a grande old day. Yes, you!

NGDG: Fascinating architectural trivia: the turquoise mosaic used in the great mosque of Samarkand apparently acts as a natural fly-repellent.

Spread The Love. Bring My Shit Back.

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