Thursday, August 15, 2013


A movie should be made...

I know. I know. I carry on about this all the time. But it's one of the things in life that irks me the most. Not just the fact that shitty music exists, but the fact that it's globally accepted as good enough to dictate programming, playlists, commercial endeavour and fashion trends. Shitty music has always been around, but it was looked down upon, not celebrated. In the old days, you had to be super talented and committed even to be allowed near a studio. In fact, if you were that good, you were actively sought out for your prowess and paid for your time and talent. Nowadays, all that list of attributes will get you is a spot in a local metal band and the right to bitch about poor crowd response and industry feedback. (Not in my case, obviously, I'm the king of feedback.)

Anyway, in yet another attempt to right the skewed scales of the music industry, my cohorts and I are hitting the studio this weekend. I'm so excited! (Hang on, that one's been written already, hasn't it...) It's been a while since recording was done outside of my home studio. Broadcast quality awaits! He says, holding thumbs, and contemplating having his hands encased in perspex incubators like that guy in Zoolander. I still have 2 whole days to avoid a major paw injury.

And so starts yet another eagerly anticipated season of hope. Perhaps this time we'll crack it. Will we ever learn? At least we have the fall back of being able to proclaim we do this for the love of music and not the almighty Rondt, although I'd be lying if I said a few bucks wouldn't help. Fuck, even the days of swooning groupies seem to have faded into hazy memory. Clearly Kurt Motherfucking Darren knows some shit we don't. That oke permanently has that "I just now very recently got a blowjob" smile all over his face. Bastard.

And while I'm on the topic of all things kak, I had a very interesting discussion with a mate of mine earlier and he brought up a very valid point. I'm only repeating this because I doubt he will. He pointed out the obsession people have with posting pictures of animals online. He has come to the conclusion that there remain only 2 types of animal on the planet and that all Noah's noble efforts were ultimately in vain.
1) Mutilated/abused/tortured animals. 2) Cats.
He isn't wrong. Or alone. What is it about seemingly intelligent people that find memes of fucking cats so funny and then compels them to share the most unoriginal, shit, stupid pictures of the damn things over and over again? You're one step away from owning 'Kaptein' in your cd collection!
And then the bleeding hearts... I get reposting pics of lost pets - there is a point to that. I am painfully aware of the plight of our endangered animals and am as horrified as you by their wholesale slaughter in the name of a handful of Chinese shiteaters who can't get it up. But posting and reposting these disturbing images to my wall is almost having the opposite effect to that which you so benevolently aspire. It's pissing me off and desensitising me. Enough horror will make anyone unshockable. It's no longer effective. Besides, you're preaching to the choir, unless Umfufu Mainman Poacher is on your friends list. Assuming I was vehemently opposed to abortion, as an example, how would you like clicking onto Facebook, ready to tuck into your lunch, and be subjected to gory pictures of, well, you get the picture...

So, that's all I have for today. I hope you enjoy your lunch.
And to help you do that I have compiled a list of feelgood notes to make your day better. Call me the doctor:

  1. Local metal lads Infanteria got to go to Wacken. There IS hope.
  2. Speaking of, Shannon Hope has just had her musical works transformed to a full scale dance show!
  3. Sabretooth has brought out a new single for those of you who are ready to rock!
  4. Th'DamnedCrows will still be releasing their long awaited debut album early next month - even though they have postponed the live launch.
  5. Dead Lucky exists. Thank the heavens.
Back to life, back to reality. We live in a world where the depths of talent will remain untapped and unfathomable, while the pond scum rises to the top. You got to get wet to find the good shit...

NGDG: Apparently an 8/10 service rating reflects badly on the consultant. I think it reflects badly on the rating system that deems my original, and very generous, 8.5 an unacceptable response. How about we give the bugger a trophy for bothering to show up at all and I send you, his fucking nanny, an apology gift basket for being a pesky customer?

Welcome back, Neal. You've been missed.

Spread The Love. Or, In The Vernacular, Span Die Seile!


  1. I will have you know that sharing photos of lost animals is not for a lost cause. I have personally been involved in reuniting two cases of missing dogs with their owners because of Facebook. You may get tired of it my dear, but for somebody who finds their pet thanks to everybody "sharing" it on FB,it is a godsend. So there. *runs off to find a cat meme to post to Monster's Facebook wall*

  2. If you would be so good as to re-read above. Especially the part where i say I GET reposting pics of lost animals...

  3. Oh OK... shows how well I read your posts. But I am still going to find a cat meme for your Friday entertainment...