CAAAAAN - CAN YOU DO THE CAN CAN!

I fucking LOVE South Africa! Yesterday's run on the Promenade confirmed for the gasquillionth time that we are truly blessed to live in a beautiful place. Admittedly some are more blessed than others, but by and large the scenery is pretty good.

We're also blessed with the following:

Famed (no one ever heard of him or gives 2 shits) hip-hop/pop "star"  - the one with the worst fucking moniker in history - uses possible second hand smoke inhalation "that's why there wuzz drukks in me" as a defence in his murder trial - for which he allegedly kills 4 school children. And it still takes our judiciary 2 whole years to convict his narrow ass.

South African Airways runs at a loss for the second consecutive year after having posted healthy profit up until 2010 and expects us to accept rising fuel costs as the only reason, even after their CEO and board mysteriously all resign. Oh, and the tax payer is footing the estimated R1,25billion, allegedly.

Only a third of 10111 calls to the police emergency line are even answered - never mind reacted upon. The internet is aflood with pictures of our blobs-in-blue snoozing out their shifts.

Roughly 2% of our people (and a handful of successful sports men and women) know the entire national anthem. 15% only start singing when the European lyrics kick in. 37% think it's Mandoza's Nkalakatha after they saw a Nando's ad and the humour went miles over their heads, and the rest either don't care or have the internet and believe it to be Gangnam Style on account of its implausible popularity.

Do NOT get me started on Heyneke Meyer. Such a great surname, such an arsehole.

Also, Nkandla. 'Nuff said...

And last, but certainly not least, protests aimed at upliftment for all are merely a masquerade to go on violent rampages. Whist I empathise with the hard working lower scale of our economy who are undoubtedly struggling, the minute they burn, stone or otherwise harm their peers, public property or just innocent passers by, their credibility goes down faster than Sasha Grey in a Bakers Dozen gang bang. Also, I cannot afford a new BMW. You will not find me waltzing into a BMW dealership and beat the hell out of the salesman because he won't cut me a deal. It's just like that. How did the disenfranchised become the entitled? I think the whole world is heading there.

I need a lie down. Why do I insist on watching the news?

South Africa! You're not just a country! Urination!

I'm still not leaving. I am stubbornly going to stay here (in Cape Town, the lap of luxury, my middle income home, nice car - and try against all odds to forge a future for my music career - possibly embracing this new thing called the intrawebnets). And drink ALL the beer. And ignore traffic fines and TV licences.

Keep your eyes peeled. If you're good little boys and girls you may get a treat this afternoon. Everybody shouts on I Love Lucy...

NGDG: ET would never have gotten into that basket unless he was guaranteed a blanket.

Spread The Love. I Wish I Was A Comedian.