Wednesday, December 21, 2011


Joke of the day

Good news: Kim's dead.

Bad news: It's not one of the Kardashians.

And on other diabolically stupid utterances, our country's dear leader is in the dwang again for his assertions regarding the degeneration of African morals and methods of dealing with shit since the introduction of Christianity and colonialism. We must apparently now draw a distinction between "Christianity as a faith", which is apparently ok according to a presidential spokesperson, and "Nefarious Missionary Activities", which are supposedly directly from the White Devil's Handbook Of Subjugation. Nefarious Missionary Activities? Are you fucking SEE-REE-USS? A presidential spokesperson? Doesn't he see how a statement like that can be used against the very president he is trying to defend? Hullo! Shower...! Taxi fare...! "She was asking for it by wearing a short skirt...!" Ok, maybe the president's spokesperson knows he prefers it doggy-style. At least now we know how they spend their days...

Besides, for any proof you may still require that humanity has lost its religious nature, just look around you. "Famine, Pestilence, War, Disease and Death" can all be found, ice-cream in chubby paw, strolling abreast in family sized battalions through Canal Walk. The accessory de jour is the pram, which is employed as a shopping cart, whilst the screaming, sobbing spawn of Satan is being carried, cascading snot and misery down the back of its parent's shoulder.

Can you tell I braved Canal Walk after work yesterday? The most surprising thing of all was not that I was able to ghost between the legions of Fatties 'n' Foreigners, but that I actually found competent service at Look & Listen. I was gobsmacked! Anyway, shopping done with minimum bloodshed and tonight I wrap 'em all up in my bulk discount red wrapping paper with dodgy looking reindeer on that I have been using for the last 6 years. It's very easy to identify which are the gifts from me under the tree.

Not too much longer now, folks. Only 3 days until the music is switched from Christmas to Easter in the malls, with a smattering of Back-To-School and Valentines chucked in to spice things up. Get ready for the onslaught of Lindt chocolate bunnies, Ben 10 pencil cases and edible La Senza. Aw crap! I just gave away the surprise. Now my girlfriend is probably going to figure out what I'm getting her for the 14th of February.

NGDG: "No kid. You can't come talk to me. Not after you peed on my mint julep and keep trying to wash off my tattoo with your grubby hands. And I don't really want to borrow your Ice Age DVD."

Spread The Love. I Hope She Likes Her Ben 10 Pencil Case.

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