NAUGHTY OR NICE

If I was Santa, we would definitely have to redefine what exactly constitutes "naughty" vs "nice" behaviour. In my rather limited experience, the naughty can be very nice. Actions AND outfits... Thankfully we do not live in a restrictive era. Imagine the mission it must have been to undo the yards and yards of billowing underwear just to find out you still required the services of a weed whacker. And that was just a few hundred years back. Must have been awful, especially since personal hygiene was also low on the agenda. And no internets! How did they even know what to do?!

So, what did I get up to this weekend, I hear you all asking. Well Friday Tarty Farty Tequila Party was lucky enough to sample some of my now legendary cuisine. A situation reversed last night, when I went over to her new digs to do some DIY. She lives on a road that has the (depends how look at it) most awesome/awkward name ever...

Saturday morning I was treated to an awesome breakfast at Ons Huisie in Blouberg by my better half. Yum. For both... I might as well have been in Mosselbay. I have never ventured further than the lawn of the Blue Peter in that area, so, much like a child that doesn't get out much, there was a constant stream of new stimuli. Then I embarked on what can only be equated to the Corneto Ad on the telly. You know, the one where the dude does all these romantic gestures and gets moered by his mates. We walked, arm-in-arm, hand-in-hand all the way along the beach to Big Bay, which looks nothing like it did in 1992, which is the last time I can remember being there. It's now nothing more than a gaudy mall full of restaurants and no atmosphere.

Then it was time for Axxon practice. The drumkit wasn't available. The drummer was. Cue the first full practice in history featuring "air-drumming". I almost peed myself. Unlike most "air-guitarists" who imagine themselves to be doing a fairly accurate job of mimicking whatever is wafting from the speakers and are sorely mistaken, our drummer actually played along perfectly. But wait there's more. We all went from practice to Terminatryx's CD Launch of their new disc Remyx V1.0. And our drummer won the guitar they were giving away! Scenes of incredulity and high fives all round. Terminatryx put on an intimate show for a selected few guests to showcase some of the new remixes on the album and play some of the more raunchy, original versions - all in all a wonderfully entertaining evening.

Please be aware that when I comment on newsworthy happenings, it's not because I follow the news, it's merely pieced together from comments left on friends' FB walls. I wasn't even aware of SA's latest mule crisis until quickly switching on the telly to see the weather forecast this morning, so don't know the details, but the following comment made by someone I know was priceless and too good not to share: "Doesn't trying to carry 5kg of meth into Red China in your luggage kinda mean you should be a victim of Natural Selection?"

Personally I think it's just a huge misunderstanding in our trade agreement...

Yes folks, it is definitely that time of the year again. A time to toast our achievements. A time to reflect on our failures. And a time to see how many fucking events we can cram into an already overfull calender. Don't you know I can't be at 3 places at once? Don't you know how much trouble i have choosing? Don't you know I suffer from acute Tremendous Missalitis?

At least the roads are a little quieter on the way to work. School is indeed out for Summer. Pity the damn Vaalies are descending en masse. Go away. Unless you're the Meyodies. And one or 2 others...

Speaking of, here's Neal Goldwyer's Daily Gem: "I have a new phone which is as unfathomable as a mechanical loom to a Luddite. I have one contact, but my number remains the same so texts with your name and shoe size are welcome."

Spread The Love. Elsewhere. Bastards.