GETTING YOUR GROOVE BACK.

My humblest apologies for my online absence. I can just see the lot of you sitting in front of blank computer screens, rocking back and forth, dribbling like doped up mental patients in the sun room of a sanitarium. Ok, maybe not so humble after all, but then the 8 people that read this already know me well enough...

Today we tackle the question of keeping up one's motivation (and mojo for that matter) in the same way Bakkies Botha would shoulder charge an Aussie loose forward who was ill advised enough to enter a ruck from the side. Hard.

I'm not exactly having any form of existential crisis, on the contrary actually, but I have been feeling a little bewildered at the continued uphill battle we call life of late. Just for the record, the first person to even think about making an "emo" comment gets their larynx pulled out via their gaping anus. And then gently skull fucked whist I weep into my "kuif"...

Ok, seriously. No person on God's green earth can be upbeat and happy all the time. Neither can they permanently be angry and malcontent. Once in a while, whilst taking a brief hiatus to smell the roses and question the futility of it all, one needs to be a bit more reflective. Now, normally I'm quite enamoured with all things reflective, being the narcissistic bastard you all know and love, but sometimes, only sometimes, the reflection is of some droopy tit in dire need of some re-motivation. Another point I'd like to make at this juncture is that I cannot stand those typical American-style, big smile, motivational morons that are always in your face telling you everything is peachy and it's all about your own attitude. I think I'd rather shoot heroin into my left testicle than deal with one of those. It is however true that from time to time, the tree of self awareness needs to be watered with the blood of blog-neglect.

So, dear gentle reader I have taken a few days to ponder it all. I have purposely taken time to relax and read. I have evaluated life and the part I play in it and come up with some, if not all, the answers. I have noticed in no uncertain terms that I am surrounded by the same mixed bag of circumstances as I was last week, and the week before. I drank quite a bit, but not to dull the senses to the general malaise, simply because I really like drinking.

I'm back. I could lie and say it is with a renewed sense of purpose and a pumped up vigour that I once again stride balls-out into your subconscious. But I would be lying. I need a holiday and for some fuck forsaken reason I have yet to be handed an unlimited supply of cash. But I'm happy. I am as fortunate as I've ever been. Once again my arse and the butter are inextricably linked - for better or for worse. Once again I will bulldoze my thoughts, fancies, opinions and general bunkum into the gaping maws of your receptive brains. Ooooh! I'm getting excited just thinking about it!

In closing: Look the world in the eye, distract it with (a) boobs or (b) a funny joke, then kick it in the nuts! And in a rather quirky take on an original classic...

"Live like there's no tomorrow, Love like you've never been hurt, Dance like no one is watching... And fuck like you're being filmed!"

Ps. I blame the ills of the world on its population's inability to think for itself and its warped obsession with sensationalism and faceless social media. It's more than likely the never ending stream of inane, dull, thoughtless comments, status updates, tweets, etc, that had my knickers so in a twist. To those of you who at least go to some effort, bravo! To the rest of you second hand hash-taggers, go live in America or stay the fuck off my feeds.

I'm off to do my recycling. They have real people working there.

NGDG: "They say you must fight for what you want. Why? If I want an Aero from the aisle I don't have to krav maga that; if I want to sleep an extra 15 minutes I needn't wrestle my snooze button. What if you fighting skills are dirty and borderline cowardly? Can we not have what we want then, us slap-em-upside-the-head-and-run-awayers?"

Spread The Love. Rehash Your Tag. Twit.