LOOK MA - NO HANDS!

I lost my ongoing battle with personal demons and one or more pints of Black Label Draft last night. I have the hangover from hell. I am feeling like shit. I'm probably looking worse - sporting a kind of bedraggled wet dog chic. Charming. I would also like to complain vociferously about the distinct lack of cool in the world, starting with this "metal music". You know, that stuff only Satanists and confused, greasy, spotty, disinterested, wasted youth listen to. In stark contrast to yesterday's piece, which was ALL about cool...

All the cool has been sucked out of metal. Every single guitar player has taken to "shredding" his or her "axe" at roughly 6 inches above navel level. Everyone looks like a fucking jazz aficionado. And those musicians who choose not to make an attempt at "dressing up" a little all look like an emaciated Jason Biggs from 'Loser' on laundry day. Don't get me started on those that do, who all resemble role playing uber-nerds who ate ALL the pies. Ok, obviously I am pointing at the stand out examples, but it is helping to make my point. When did the "underground" become nothing more than a refuge for a bunch of opportunistic little tits who couldn't make friends in school, and who identify sub-culture as an easy way to be accepted and appreciated? Oh hang on, it was around 1995.

Having had my little rant, I'd like to thank those that continue to sustain my belief that not all is lost. The lords and ladies at Metal4Africa are doing a damn fine job of facilitating the continued well being of this much maligned form of music and, some would argue, "lifestyle". Also, Uncle Dave from Subterania Music, you are a true "stall"wart in the scene my good buddy. Also to all the other positive contributors, be they online mags, support groups, bands or faux-tographers, thank you.

Moving on... To the disastrous results from last night's LMG Pub Quiz. Second. Fucking SECOND! A-fucking-gain! Conspiracy! Collusion! Cockshiners!

And everyone who doesn't have a sense of humour can fuck off an' all.

NGDG: "Download Festival is very much like the economy: dominated at the top by the same crotchety old bastards who just won't die. With everyone else living in tents and filth, and realising when they go to buy tshirts that they've spent all their money on beer."

Spread The Love. Spreader Bars. That'll Do Nicely.