...attitude. It's all in the attitude. Like some days I wonder what the fuck is going on in some youngster's head when I see them macking the ladies. (I believe that's the term, although I should probably spell it sans vowels to up my credibility as a commentator on the social ineptitude of the young and horny.) There they stand all sheepish angst, oily and spotty, designer jeans keeping their ankles warm or sometimes exposing nothing but their ankles, taunting some young girl with the shrill assertion that they are in fact some version of an alpha dog. How any self respecting girl can fall for the thinly veiled uncertainty is beyond me. Add to that the fact that it's become nothing more than a Jack Parow lookalike contest and it's not surprising young girls are forced to look beyond their age peers.
I'm giving away my age by denouncing high fashion, am I?
I disagree. There are many kids out there that dress more sensibly. Take metal fans for example. With the exception of Cape Town's only hipster metal band, the general attire is jeans and metal tshirt, something I personally consider far more appropriate. And whilst they are pretty much in the same boat when it comes to the high pitched, broken serenade which passes for chatting up a likely lady, at least they do so without looking like blind, retarded tits.
Anyway, I think I went a bit off topic here. I wanted to discuss "attitude". Especially when it comes to selling yourself. For whatever purpose other than slavery, if sex is supposed to be involved or not. I was having a conversation with someone the other day about confidence and that sort of thing, me naturally blathering on about the subject like some self appointed sultan of savvy. It transpires that the opposite sex responds rather favourably to the right dose of confidence. I suppose not looking like Steve Buscemi helps as well.
This all also applies to things like job interviews, because what is a pick up line if not the precurser to a job interview anyway?
You're judged on a checklist of qualities the other party is looking for if they are to make any sort of commitment. Even a one night stand constitutes some form of commitment, at least for a few short hours, so how you present yourself it pretty much important all the time. And how you present yourself has just as much to do with your ability to converse without bashfully sagging into a red-faced heap or spazzing out if it doesn't go according to the plan. The plan should be that there is no plan. Whilst you may have an obvious agenda, it is best to take things as they come and go with it. How many movies have you seen where some dopey wanker follows the ridiculous advice of his friend after a heartfelt pep talk in the bathroom before boldly going where no man has ever succeeded before? But treat people the way you'd like to be treated - approach someone as an equal - and you'll be surprised at the results, in your personal life and your professional one.
So the rules are simple:
- Smile, not like you're packing chloroform, just nice and easy.
- Stand up straight.
- Be yourself, unless you're a complete moron. Then don't leave the house.
- Don't challenge the boobs to a staring contest. (How did I EVER get a girlfriend?)
- Try to avoid witty repartee if that sort of thing doesn't come naturally to you.
- Don't be too dejected if she makes you work to get her number, this isn't pornland, she isn't going to shriek "Do me, cowboy!" because you brushed against her elbow. The mere fact that she's still talking to you should indicate that she's seeing where this is going.
- Do none of the above if she is standing in the shade of her fridge-sized boyfriend.
- Do not debase the conversation with below the belt or suggestive vulgarity. (Seriously! How the fuck did I ever get chicks?)
- Wear trousers at the height for which they were designed.
- Be at ease and comfortable with who you are, then so will they. Although you might want to temper the high fiving brotherly act - lest ye be friendzoned...
Basically, whilst being a grown up has its obvious draw backs, we get laid a lot more often. So act like a kid, but if you want to do grown up stuff like put your winky in a nice girl, you have to start with the grown up approach to it and treat people with respect, including yourself.
Don't ask me where this all came from. I was going to write about lamb & veg Cup-a-Soup. I'm not in charge here.
NGDG: "One of the times one regrets colour-coding one's books, is when on cannot locate one's Jerome K Jerome."
Spread The Love. Have A Good Attitude.