Tuesday, May 15, 2012


A term "coined" to explain the increased expectation regarding the quantity and quality of goods or services in exchange for your ever more hard-earned cash. Not cheaper hookers. Although...

Anyway, the point is we expect more and more these days, don't we? With the mandatory tightening of belts the Earth's over-population and corrupt governance has forced upon us all, we are forced to do shopping at grocery stores other than Woolies or the Food Lover's Market. Except those delusional Tableau Voi housewives that still think it's a status symbol to spend R100 on a small selection of so-called "organic" vegetables from the Biscuit Mall on a Saturday morning. It's like the last 150 year's worth of progress never happened. They schmaltz around lower Woodstock forcing their poor disheartened hubbies to proudly hold out the little wooden crate of carrots and potatoes like it's fucking Simba in the Lion King, as they totter 8 city blocks in their stilettos to where they left the Hyundai Tuscan, clutching their Blackberries and water bottles extra tight lest one of the gazillion informal car guards or even worse, locals, look at them with too penetrating a gaze.

Where was I?

Ah yes, we're being forced to make our money stretch a bit further with every fuel price hike. People have resorted to *shudder* buying clothing at budget outlets like Pep Stores. This has given rise to a new phenomenon: The Socialite Thrift Shopper. You know, the ooh-lala-look-at-me type that spouts off like they're permanently in a CTM ad instead of admitting to their friends and family that they're essentially cheap and/or struggling to keep up the payments on the Merc.

It's quite disheartening. I have the solution. If you HAVE to shop at Pep, make sure it's for things that no one other than you girlfriend sees. Buy your socks 'n' jocks there in big fat bargain packs. Face it Tonto, your chick doesn't give 2 shits when you're debriefing. She's more concerned with your package. And the fact that your arse is a bit better off from the extra walking the petrol price has imposed upon your lifestyle. Also, I have recently figured out that you're more likely to find rare and cool cds at outdoor markets than in specialist music retail stores as well. Sorted! In the liberating spirit of publicly admitting that I'm a cheap bastard, here are a few tips to live by:

  1. Use leftover teabags soaked in a glass jar of paraffin, instead of the entire box of Blitz at a time.
  2. Buy "Wildsvleis" instead of lamb. The label says it's Kudu, Springbok or Ostrich, but I reckon you're safe either way.
  3. Remove the Debonairs number from your speed dial.
  4. Cut down on your smoking, you're doing to give up one day anyway. Think about that and get back to me.
  5. Buy box wine and keep one or 2 bottles of impressive wine only for special occasions like when the in-laws come around.
  6. Wash your own car. (If you're a girl, do so in a white bikini with Kelis blaring in the background...)
  7. Buy less snacks. This will have the triple bonus advantage of less initial outlay, less subsequent outlay on personal trainers, and more sex.


However. There are certain things on which it pays not to skimp. After all, "goedkoop koop is duur koop"
Sunlight liquid, 2 ply toilet paper, decent coffee, Melrose cheese spread, good shoes, quality home entertainment components, good jeans (a rarity, no matter which way you apply the phonetics), and trusted dental care and birth control.

Can you tell I don't feel like work?

NGDG: "This 'Fetal Development App' is freaking me out. Everyone's about to give birth to alien animes and David Duchovny will come up to me in a towel and say 'I love you, Runkle'."

Spread The Love. Roll Around In Your Money.

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