MALCOHOLOCAUST

Blondes. Sticking out their tongues. It's what life is all about.

How was your weekend?

Friday was a rather sedate affair. We celebrated the 30th birthday of a friend in some style at Luna Bar by putting on a successful surprise party. Like I said, very sedate. I decided much against my nature to admit that discretion was on the night the better part of valour and skedaddle home. What with the big party coming up and all...

Saturday, rather worthlessly, was spent cleaning the house in anticipation of the floods of people attending the Malcoholocaust, an annual event where the only point is to see how much alcohol one can put into one's body. It coincides roughly with my birthday.

It's only the first 5 or so people that even have a fighting chance of noticing whether or not your house is a sty or a palace of cleanliness, because as soon as there are more people, they start chatting to each other instead of scrutinising your home's hygiene. And then invariably someone spills tequila on the floor.

This year (for the first time in history) I did not have a butler/door answerer/concierge/hostess. Life without a girlfriend can be tough sometimes.

Anyway, eventually the house was bursting at the seams with revellers and the good times they started to roll. The Dean of Univer City was in attendance to bring us a wonderful load of Liquid Cocaines and The Big One provided us with a spectacularly underestimated punch. Some of which is keeping a small badger from returning to his family, as it's stuck to my kitchen cupboard door.

As usual I have only the vaguest recollection of the latter portion of the evening, a sure sign that I was having the time of my life. Thanks to all that came, especially my beautiful friends from The Big Shitty up North. Great to see the Meyer Of Awesomeville again.

The shit list, however, grows...

Yesterday's breakfast has got to be one of the raddest ever. My mate Stephen, from Axxon, was far too wellied to drive home, so spent the night on the sleeper couch. He also brought me a homemade 'Black Label Beer Bread'. This was put to good use as toast, which went with fried eggs and pan fried lamb chops. Best brekkie ever, I tell you.

Now to remember where I hid everything and get my house sorted out again.

NGDG: "Admit it. The only time you think it's a good idea to shave your balls is when you're drunk."

Spread The Love. ANCYL vs Gareth Cliff style.