Monday, July 29, 2013

I GOT A SHEEP TATTOOED ON MY FANNY!


Before I get started on the wonderful wonderfullness that was my spectacularly spectacular weekend, I'd like to take a minute to recite to you a thought regarding Nelson Mandela, as printed in the "Complete Kak" book, which I recently got back from a mate of mine. Especially in light of his failing health and the disgusting behaviour of all those around him in his final days.

"Please, for the love of everything that is good in this land, can people stop using Nelson Mandela's name for personal or commercial gain? The man is quite literally our last steadfast point of integrity and decency, and every time a foreign celeb rocks up to have a picture taken with him, or a businessman names a diamond the "Madiba Diamond" as a publicity stunt for his new investment company, or someone tacks together a sports magazine that looks like Die Son 'in celebration of Madiba's 90th birthday' or the ANC rolls him out for an election rally because they're a bit worried about turnout, they're just taking advantage of his good name and trivialising his deeds. And making themselves look like money-grubbing exploitative pieces of shit." - 'Complete Kak' - Tim Richman & Grant Schreiber.

Seems the doom-mongers (not those of us who play really slow merrills, but the nay saying sensationalists) were right when they predicted the shit hitting the fan the minute he passed. Except who would have thought it would be radiator fans? And they're flinging a shade early as well. Personally, I think it's all a well orchestrated campaign by Max Barashenkov, to deflect the media's attention off him.

And now that I have that off my chest, I would like to bring to your attention the worst thing I have ever seen. The Valleys, a reality show similar to Big Brother, The Apprentice and Jersey Shore. They take 8 kids from what's known as the Valleys in Wales and stick them in a house in Cardiff with the aim of starting careers in the entertainment industry, etc. If this is representative of young people today, the world has precisely 3 years and 87 days until it comes to an abrupt halt and only the cockroaches are left to keep Wall-E company. Mainly because if you can't afford to board the SS Atrophy, you'll kill yourself instead of spending one second being subjected to these people or their language or behaviour. I watched 4 episodes on the trot, I couldn't take my eyes off it. It was fantastic! Go and experience it for yourself. You won't thank me and you won't hit me. It's so awful you'll want to throttle the life from me but will stop short of doing so just because I seem like the coolest motherfucker in the world by comparison.

Ok, so rewind a little...

Friday, and the rain looked like it was going to ruin our football game. Thankfully it stayed away just long enough for us to have one of the best games of football ever. I haven't enjoyed myself that much wearing long socks and short shorts since I was a toddler!
Then it was off to a late Dinner Club out in Marina Da Gama. That's very far, but the food was worth every second on the rainy roads.

Saturday was interesting. It started when The Brother-In-Awe and I attended a wine tasting for breakfast. I have to tell you walking out of a booze dealership with several boxes of wine made me feel particularly adult, even if most of the boxes were his. At least it was a good run up to the rest of the day.

Which was spent being all metal and shit. Not metal like the pirate from the good ship lollipop who was at the front of the bus, just normal, not-fucked-up metal. Boarding the party bus along with the usual crew of miscreants, we settled in for our "booze cruise", which was unfortunately interrupted when our bus driver seemingly aimed for a very damaging item of steel in the road and successfully got it lodged in the tyre. A tyre which he had no means to replace. And no airtime, a trivial little fact that I learned after being stuck in the rain for more than an hour in a parking lot in Goodwood. At least I won the worst cd ever recorded. Pity I had to down Mokador for the privilege. Anyway, after giving him my phone, we were shortly on our merry way, looking forward to yet another stellar Metal4Africa Winterfest. It did not disappoint! The bands were all on top form. To my eternal horror I have to admit to really enjoying With Dawn. They were fucking good! I also remember bearing witness to Bile Of Man, who simply bludgeoned the bollocks out of the audience and Megalodon, who had the same effect as a rather large meteor collision. Wargrave was also fantastic, although I can remember far less of their set than the others. I blame people and their incessant need to converse.
I also remember making a very public, but very sneaky ninja bomb. Being old is a blessing and a curse.

Well done to all at Metal4Africa for a superb time! The only complaint I have seen or heard about is that it was too metal, so you've done an amazing job, as always.

NGDG: "We're doing something dangerous," says the man in the Maserati. It sounds like we work for MI5.

Spread The Love. But Keep It In Your Pants.

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