Tuesday, November 15, 2011


She had an awesome song which had worldwide success. It was called 'They Say It's Gonna Rain'. TDB has made a blog entry people! No wonder we've had winter in November. It's like Christmas in July! Run for cover! Run to the hills! Run for your lives...

Anyway. Apologies for my absenteeism of late. I pinky promise I won't become like my friends with "blogs" that only deign to write something when they "have the time" or if "something significant" happens. Pfffft... What about the place in the world for entertaining drivel? What about it I hear you ask. Well, you've come to the right place! Olympic Shit Talking Champion right here!

Ja so, what did you all get up to this weekend? I DIDN'T watch cricket. Ticket holders for Saturday and Sunday at Newlands must have been pissed off.
I DID see a lot of ol' Juju Malemalemalemalemalema on the telly. Interested to see what comes of all this. Right now my money is on apathy winning the day and some form of partial reinstatement of privileges, if not power.
There really wasn't much more newsworthy, was there?

I did spend an inordinate amount of time on the sleeper couch watching classic movies. With my nice spanking new girlfriend. For those of you still in the dark, I now once again have a better half. I know this because it has finally been made FaeceBoobs official. Which is important. In this day and age one must always let everyone know. "Hi Honey!"

Onto things domestic. My eternal quest for Martha-like Biggie Best perfection has moved beyond the confines of my home and out into the "garden". And by garden, I mean plant boxes I built on either side of the braai. I have planted all sorts of fancy herbs and stuff (well, fancy in my humble book) and they're actually growing! I'm temporarily changing the name of the quest so I can dub myself Keith Kirsten. I can't find the floppy towelling hat anywhere, but hey, it's only temporary.

On the bright side, I have a new shirt.

And to go with my new shirt, here is a short list of requests to the Universe in general:

  1. Please stop posting pictures of animal abuse. Whilst I am sympathetic to the plight of these poor animals to the point of choosing products that do not indulge in such cruel activities and also being active in animal welfare, I do not want to see these pictures. They upset me no fucking end. You're preaching to the choir as it is only your friends list that see what you post. I would assume that by virtue of the fact that these people are your "friends" they would feel the same or at least be aware of these atrocities. Rather put your money where your "share" button is.

  2. Please can we have this weather in Cape Town for the next 6 months. Thanks.

  3. Please can I get to grips with the new song without losing my mind or a finger in an unfortunate "tangling" accident.

  4. Please can the world's economy be run by capable people that aren't driven by all-consuming avarice.

  5. For that matter can "civil service" return to its original purpose.

  6. Please can those people that choose to harangue on about how kak religion is keep it to themselves. For the exact same reason you so abhor the "pro" argument, there is equally no place for the "con" argument. It's personal choice for a lot of people and you aren't proving how clever you are by constantly knocking it. Let people be. As you expect them to leave you alone. Lead by example.

  7. Winning numbers for the Lotto please. And this time make it the correct week as well. REALLY fucking funny last time!

  8. Please smite down everyone who overuses currently popular words. I can't type them here for fear of being smote. Much like "No one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle! Even if they DO say Jehovah!"

  9. Please bring down booze prices. If not all, then I'd be happy with beer, wine, whisky and vodka.

  10. Please let me figure out a way to lose the boep and while I'm at it get some kick ass muscles without any physical strain.

  11. Please let me never again need an awkward pooh at work.

  12. Please can I have a pony for Christmas.

I think that about does it for today's wishlist...

NGDG: "Maybe Berlusconi, Papandreou and Malema will join forces and establish a new political organisation. They can all it The Lemon Party."

Spread The Love. Monogamously.

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