WORDS FROM J SHABIER BROWN MAHARAJ

Fuck me.

I need a crash course in local politicking. Otherwise known as evading prosecution. Otherwise known as being an utter douchebag.

Now whilst those of you that know me personally are probably all already fingering the "Leave comments" tab and thinking how to rhyme "But you already are one" with something witty, allow me to elaborate.

When living in community of property with a sweet, beautiful, gorgeous, caring, wonderful woman, it never really occurs to either party to keep ironclad records of the to-and-fro flow of money. Yes, every now and then in a rare moment of clarity, when you're not all loved up and gooey-eyed, you may jot down "I paid for that" or "I owe you for this" when one of you plays the financial equivalent of "No, YOU hang up!"...

However that is usually the total extent of your book keeping.

Once the emotions of a break up are dealt with and the dust has settled, very often unfinished "business" has to be attended to. Unfortunately this very often leads to a case of the other party's word or vague recollection vs your own. Rarely are both sides of the equation as magnanimous after a split as they were before it. Well folks, there goes the romance, from now on you get the "Monster From The Blog - Bean Counter Edition v6.66". Any flirtations with romantic notions or ANY other expense incurred will now be filed immediately, in triplicate, in blood. And duly notarised by a party authorised to do so. In triplicate. Could make that spontaneous "I love you let's get home and check it out but it's more for you than for me and no I don't want it near my bum" dildo acquisition lose its spur of the moment appeal.

Speaking of losing appeals, I wonder how Juju, Mac and the boys are doing. Must be awesome being the sole fodder for http://www.hayibo.com/. Fame! You bitch. I should take notes...

[*Disclaimer: Please do not let the above dissuade you from pursuing a beautiful and fulfilling union. That, or get you an old rich dude with a bum ticker and keep it very one sided...]

NGDG: "It's nearly impossible to fire someone nowadays with these labour laws. Most companies instead bring in HVAC and Hygiene consultants to either freeze employees to death or poison them with hazardous chemicals."

Spread The Love. But For Fuck's Sake Keep Thorough Records. In Triplicate.