A COUNTRY IN THE CRAPPER

Max Du Preez's diet proved too effective.

Well then. The theme for the day seems to be the disgusting state of the floor at Cape Town International Airport. Yes, folks! In yet another desperate attempt to destabilise the only working local government in South Africa, the bussed-in ANC masses - merely in our fair province as voting fodder - have taken to showing their disapproval of their living conditions by dumping pooh all over the place. It's not bad enough that Cape Town International was built adjacent to a very large sewerage works, and that international visitors got a foul whiff of lovely percolating shit as a first impression, now the disgruntled fecal freaks have flung dung even closer - ON the actual welcome mat...

Imagine what our tourists from Europe and Gauteng must think!

First off, the very people responsible for this shit shower are those that have been imported from "forn" parts so that Zuma can drag the legacy of the rainbow nation through his arse here as well. Instead of concentrating on uplifting the quality of life of those his party represents in parts of the country where it is their responsibility, it is clearly more important to create problems here in the Republic of Cape Town. One wonders how the culprits enjoyed bringing the offending matter in open plastic bags in their cars to the airport-a-potty. Can you imagine! "Drive faster, man! This kak stinks kak bad! Put foot, ek se!"

And then Mr Hanky and his entire extended family went for a swim at International Arrivals. We mustn't discriminate.

Afrikaans is such a wonderfully expressive language. No other tongue can quite so eloquently say "Nou is die drol in die drinkwater..." or like the one local newspaper "ANC jeugliga gooi poef in lughawe". Jeug, indeed!

Anyway, enough of this kakpraat. Although I will admit to finding any juvenile pooh jokes perpetually amusing. As do most of you, don't even try and deny it. That's like saying you don't enjoy sex. Although, in this context, let's keep the two well separated please. All you '2 girls - 1 cup' freaks can wait til the Wimbledon Women's Lawn Tennis Final for your jollies.

It's almost as if there hasn't been enough fucking excitement involving air travel and taking a shit already...

And speaking of which, why are we being required to do a whole flag vibe for the imminent visit of President "Fuck you I kill you!" Obama? What's he doing here anyway, we don't have oil and Oprah already did something magnanimous for us. Or perhaps we have just completely misunderstood the airport's new interior decoration as a tribute to welcome the world's Chief Turd.

Thank you for visiting our beautiful land. Salani Gahle! Baie Dung-kie!

NGDG: I actually cannot read articles on iOL. Is it a symptom of our tweeting, ADD-addled generation that young reporters automatically feel compelled to start a new paragraph after every sentence?

Spread The Love. Chuck Your Kak!