Thursday, June 13, 2013


That is the question. Whether it is nobler to suffer the jealous glares of your friends, or to laugh heartily at their good natured chorus of  "Fuck you!"s. What a night last night was!

You're probably wondering if I've finally managed to evade the meds altogether...

Context, then, if you insist: Last night, along with every other aspiring guitarist/masochist, The Hot Girlfriend and I attended a guitar clinic presented by Tosin Abasi from Animals As Leaders. To exclaim wildly that he (and they) are front runners in the more esoteric tech/djent metal genre would be to subtly suggest that Julius Malema is mildly annoying. He plays an 8-string monster. I lie. He MOLESTS an 8-string monster and exposed the collective tonsils of the packed crowd gathered in awe in front of him. He is, quite simply, the most mind-numbingly mesmerising guitarist I have ever had the discomfort and pleasure of seeing perform. Watching him was simultaneously inspiring and depressing. And he's an engaging and entertaining host to boot! What that man did to that poor beast slung over his shoulders defied description and belief!

Anyway, at the end of his demonstration and Q&A, Ibanez sweetened the pot with a guitar giveaway. And not just sommer any old guitar! An Ibanez RG870SPZ-BKF (Premium). So there I was, minding my own business, chatting to a drummer friend of mine about some possible collaboration work, when every friend of mine gathered in front of me turned on me like a pride of wounded lionesses and started screaming their heartfelt hatred. It transpires that The Hot Girlfriend had won this little guitar and I was suddenly the focus of so much rage and jealousy that I literally had to wash the spit-fuelled vitriol out of my hair later. Quite naturally, I took it all with a great big "Up Yours!" grin on my face. Well done! They're all just assuming I get to benefit because she doesn't play guitar. Well... whatever happens, the both of them went home with me last night! I felt like the Prom King! Thank you, Hot Girlfriend! Thank you, Ibanez! And thank you, Tosin Abasi!

Anyway, getting home, I resisted the temptation to smudge the autograph on the guitar and only tried her out a little bit. This afternoon, when I get home, it may be a little different. I'm sure the marker has had time to dry properly...

Then later, it's once again my turn to Martha Stewart for the masses. But you'll have to wait until Tuesday to find out how that went, or miss out altogether. This weekend I jet off to attend the wedding of the glorious, gorgeous Meyodies. Fuck, if ever there was a couple that OWED humanity children, it's them. The combination of their respective attributes cannot be overstated!

Plus, I get to drink with this guy:

NGDG: I dated a swimsuit model once. First date: she was so drunk she forgot. Second date: so boring I forget. Third date (because you'd still tap that): she reveals herself as a horrible racist. Like Hitler in La Senza.

Spread The Love. Oooooh! Gonna Fondle Her Neck! And That Curvy Bod!

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