Thursday, August 18, 2011


Today we take a look at GOOD vs EVIL. Mainly because I found this cool little picture. I think this is a set of salt n pepper shakers. You can tell I've become all domesticated. A year ago this post would have been about the potentially hazardous horns on the red dildo.

Anyway, what makes people good or evil? Or is it merely a case of relativity? Is the guy at your place of work that makes you want to punch your way through his entire collection of internal organs really THAT much of a prick, or is his wife giving him grief at home. Or is he maybe hiding an embarrassing, dark secret? In my quest for knowledge and the truth, I implore you all to go and hide out in the office bathroom. Grab your laptops, tablets or smartfones and go and hide out in a toilet stall and listen for any tell tale signs of an unhappy camper. Report back by posting comments below. It's for science, people.

Let's get started by making it clear that evil is necessarily malevolent. You get bad experiences that lack malice. These are not deemed evil. There needs to be some intent behind this. Like when she purposely uses too much teeth.

There's also good. Like the judicious use of tongue... You know what, never mind. You can see where this is going. Plus I'm doing myself a grave injustice here.

The entire point of this subject (yes there's a point, if you're still manfully plodding through this retarded post) is the following:
In the movie The Wedding Singer, which character would you choose if you're a) male and b) have eyes:

Julia, played by Drew Barrymore, the sweet, cute blonde or...
Holly, played by Christine Taylor, the nasty, slutty, hot brunette?

Do you prefer salt or pepper? Or both? Do you make assumptions about people based on their outward appearance? Or do you simply think that because you, or the majority of people you know, are of a particular mindset, that everyone else should also be the same? Have you ever been attracted to someone only to find out they don't feel the same way about stuff as you do, after you've kinda committed to that person? When is it too late to bail?

These and other tidbits of existential nonsense are very important.

Or is it merely a case of the excitement of finding out outweighing the pedantic OCD trip?

Anyway, tonight I cook for the masses. The trick, you see, is to ply them with alcohol. And to make them wait. And wait. And wait. Hunger is almost as powerful as Aromat. And if you can thus fool them into thinking you've gone to all this extra trouble, their tastebuds are unfairly susceptible to your culinary charms. A toast! To my great success behind the apron tonight!

And on that alarming note, NGDG: "Where does the paper come from for the Save-The-Amazon-Petition? It will have to be submitted in triplicate. If debated by a pan-American quorum, it and the minutes will be circulated to all the participants, NGOs and CO Os and filed in Noriega-era steel cabinets, in basements of every associated Latin nation and presided over, strangely, by identical moustachioed bureaucrats in khakis."

Spread The Love. Nutella. Nutella Is Love.

1 comment:

  1. I can tell you from my experience, that nearly every man will go for Holly. Nice girls don't get far! I can also tell you, from experience, that this nice girl may just be evil and gatecrash your dinner.. and I want that salt and pepper set!