Friday, April 12, 2013


The only thing between me and a terminal diet of Brussel Sprouts...

Since I am now firmly in the business of punting gigs, and everyone is rightfully taking me seriously, tonight's EARKILLER show at Mercury promises to be one for the record books. The line up oozes superbly sleazy rock 'n' fucking roll hedonism. Kicking off proceedings, Cape Town scene darlings Th'DamnedCrows will stomp and strut their way through their set of southern swamp-a-billy wreck 'n' roll, with no small amount of frivolous fun and smug smut. Following in their steamy wake will be the deliciously decadent Dollfins - a loosely rolled combination of Joan Jett, The Cramps and Nico. Imagine a broody, diminutive, female Iggy and you've pretty much nailed it. With some serious fuck-you attitude and sass. Thank God someone is still all about that... The third act for the night is The Stella's. Don't look at me like that. THEY put the fucking apostrophe in the wrong place, not me. I don't know anything about them, but let's see if they "got their groove back"... I should probably go and check out their YouTube stuff - get an idea what we're in for.

I'll be the aloof dick at the bar in the back, discussing aspects of everyone's performance and wringing out the last vestige of minor celebrity from a past life. Anything for a pint, eh...

And now that we've gotten business out of the way, I'm sure you're probably all desperate to know how my attempts at Vegan cooking went last night. Splendidly, thank you ever so very much. Everyone dutifully made appreciative noises and choked declarations of how delicious it was. In truth, one and a half table spoons of "mild" curry paste instead of the recommended dosage of one, resulted in bleeding eyes and feverish nightmares. Well, now I know...

And the chicken strips I put into the dish as soon as Dead Elvis had been served made it very non-vegan. I don't think I have the stomach for a diet devoid of flesh. No thank you. What do you do with yourself at a braai? Stand inside and play Salad Supervisor?

AND. Have you heard about Cake'n'Cunnilingus Day? Sunday is fun day, folks! Who said you can't have your cake and eat it?

Anyway, since this is my second steaming pile of excrement offering of the day, this is where we part as friends. My ol' Mum always said "Leave 'em wanting more". Bright lady.

NGDG: A fortnight left of work. Apt. One part dank stony edifice. One part darkness. All dreadful.

Spread The Love. Marie Antoinette Style.

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