WHAT A LOAD OF...

Semen and blood. Tasteful.

So - as you astute bunch have no doubt already heard - they've just announced the opening acts for the Metallica shows coming up. I myself have little or no interest in the matter anymore, as I chose to get a refund on my ticket when I was forced to pay in owing to the venue change. Nothing histrionic about it, simply not impressed with the whole thing. I've seen them already and they will remain one of my all time favourite bands, but the love affair is fading.

Anyway, back to the announcement. Much to the obvious chagrin of some of the more qualified of our local authentic metal acts, the Bellville slot was awarded to Van Coke Kartel. There is much debate about why a band with no metal credentials is afforded such an obvious honour.

First of all, Metallica hasn't been a "metal" band since their foray into hard rock, inspired by the ever more "no more marbles" approach of Bob Rock, the man who has both the Black Album and The Cult's 'Sonic Temple' on his illustrious CV. A brief return to form, some would argue, happened with Death Magnetic, but all hope was finally extinguished when 'Lulu' dropped out of their collectively non-operational sphincters. So why pair them with a band that in all likelihood is going to deliver a set of far more "brutal" or intense music. There is no doubt that the 'Tallica boys have both intensity and power in oodles, but this does not a "metal" band make. By today's more extreme standards at any rate...

Secondly, and in a kind of sinister twist that makes the relocation issue even more intriguing, Van Coke Kartel are Bellville's favourite sons. They could probably fill the Velodrome a few times over with their own fans from around the way. And make no mistake, those boys rock like bastards. And very well fucking done to them. My only gripe is that I believe Sabretooth would have complimented the line up handsomely and they are certainly more "metal" but not "brutal" or "extreme" enough to be excluded from consideration.

Thirdly, safe is and, especially in this case, will always be the path chosen by the corporate side of the music industry. The track record speaks for itself. So, to each and every one of my mates in bands that tried their ill-advised luck and spammed the balls off my wall on the off chance that the organisers and powers that be recognised the commercial value of extreme music, thanks and better luck next time.

Now I'm going to fetch my hole-in-the-bottom box of popcorn and watch as the inevitable deluge of outrage pours forth all over my feed. If I get the opportunity to interview them, I'll make a point of asking them if they had any say in choosing an opening act, but I think we all know the answer.

It's bad enough that hard-working, talented, passionate musicians have been reduced to online buskers, begging for votes so they can have a stab at making a living.

Sad, but true...

NGDG: She adored you, he told me, why do you think she was always coming upstairs to talk to you? "The usual reason, I guess: boredom."

Spread The Love. Go Watch Some Local Metal As Well Sometime.