Friday, April 19, 2013


LordDoom goes to band practice.

Yay, yay! It's Friday. Tarty Farty Tequila Party is already swanning about like the colonialist she is in Bot River, doing entertainment reconnoitering for us before we arrive. With any luck she's managed to convince the local brass section to herald our arrival this evening with some proper pomp and fanfare. That would be nice.

Yes folks, we're off to pretend we're royalty for a weekend. There will be wine. Oh yes, there will be wine. There will be fine dining. There will be lazing in the jacuzzi. There will be roaring log fires. There will be braaing (I just bought rump steaks thicker than a Nokia 5110). There will be much adventure, guffawage and larking about. Also, I believe there is a view.

But that's not all. Get this. Yesterday, as I'm bragging to one of my oldest and best mates about the luxury package courtesy of Tarty, it transpires the lady who is looking after us the weekend is his sister. She's practically family of mine. Oh, and did I mention she's married to the wine maker? This weekend just got a whole lot more interesting... The fact that Jean Pant is somewhat of a wine connoisseur is just an added bonus.

Anyway, so there I was, at work this morning, minding my own business on Faeceboobs, when a bloodcurdling yell wakes me from my quiet social reverie. I spent the next few hours walking around the Gardens Centre while the boss got stitched up. Fun times, I tell you.

We're almost there, people. The air is an intoxicating medley of anticipation, excitement, potential, Friday afternoon cocktails, the weekend and my very feint body odour. (Think Kevin Klein in 'A Fish Called Wanda'.) But don't be fooled! In fact, be very, very cautious. Look left, look right, then look left again. LordDoom is mobile. Don't stare directly when you see a large, gloomy, black-clad metal head with long hair and an even longer beard standing in line to buy chrome spinners at your local Midas. In fact, leave immediately! Then go directly home and ask yourself what the fuck you were doing in a Midas in the first place...

Anyway. Enjoy the living fuck out of your weekend. I know I will. All you Londoners! Be sure to catch the stupendous Shannon Hope as she transforms your town into the Music Mecca of the world!

NGDG: We apologise for this technical error. We will resume normal transmission as soon as our lackey technician has figured out what he done gone and fucked up.

That wasn't Neal, for those of you who are currently peering at your screens wondering why the bottom has fallen from your world...

Spread The Love. Apparently Milkshake Works. But You Have To Be In A Yard?

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