Thursday, May 30, 2013


Holy smokes, Bruce!

Ok, it's like manna from heaven. This oke who claims to be the re-incarnation of Jesus. I couldn't have asked for a better subject on which to pour my musings, given that today is especially slow in the news department. If you can ignore Danny Glover trying to persuade members of POPCRU that he is the re-incarnation of our nation's beloved father, Morgan Freeman.

So, the facts. This oke is Australian. He claims to be the re-incarnation of Christ. Does this not smack of another crazy Australian who was also involved in a movie about Jesus? It's too much of a coincidence that Danny Glover is involved. His only contribution to anything was the immortal phrase "I'm too old for this shit..."

Let's ignore for one minute the mad tendencies of religious zealots and concentrate on this guy, Allan John Miller. If push comes to shove, do you think he will willingly go through the same grotesque, painful, humiliating death portrayed in the Bible so that us sinners may stand a chance of entering Heaven? I reckon someone should ask him. Test his resolve, methinks...
Has he taught anything of any worth to his so-called followers? If you study the Scriptures, you will find that almost all of what Jesus said was basically the same stuff John Lennon spouted almost 2000 years later. (With the exception of all that Yoko shit, obviously.) And you'd be surprised to find that most of it was along the lines of "Don't be a dick. Be cool. Love one another. Don't bomb innocent civilians for their natural resources. Try and lay off the kiddie-fiddling." I think something may have been lost in the translation, or maybe it's just the version our powers-that-be have on their night stands.
Not to mention the obvious "water-to-wine" thing. That would have been my FIRST trick! Mind you, perhaps Crocs Dundee actually did figure that one out and is in a permanent state of ecclesiastic inebriation.

Ok, let us now switch our attention to the hordes selling their properties all over the world just to move their lives and families closer to this guy. I'm totally cool with proper religious types who believe in the second coming and their personal salvation. But I was always under the impression such an auspicious event would be heralded with somewhat more fanfare than a dubious page three story from Down Under. Colour me suspicious. Now! If he was handing out VegeMite Sandwiches or healing the sick, that would be another thing!
Perhaps the test of the faith of his followers is the fact that it IS Australia. I mean who the fuck would live there on purpose? I'd rather strap on a few pounds of TNT and do my bit to resolve the housing crisis in the Gaza Strip.
So there you sit at home, having a nice cuppa, admiring the doilies on all your couches, when Doris pops her head over the fence outside and informs you The Messiah is currently residing in the Outback. Being a devout church-goer, you give up your privileged life and trek halfway across the globe hoping you're one of the lucky ones and that out of all the charlatans that have come before him, this guy is the real McCoy. Personally I'd rather just pop on a Fields Of The Nephilim album and be done with the whole nonsense. Pass the biscuits.

Now don't get me wrong. Don't take my tone as an indication of my beliefs. I'm all for a belief structure that encourages people to be good to one another and live in harmony among themselves and not to fuck nature up too much. What I do have a problem with is the fanatical misinterpretation of what is essentially a fantastic guideline. History teaches us that modern day organised religion is - if anything - even more heinous than organised crime. It makes a mockery of the principles on which it is founded. It has been a political tool since people figured out the rudiments of writing and some poephol thought up ways to manipulate his neighbour to his advantage. Passages that are intrinsically helpful have been warped over the years by translation and the inexorable nature of progress. I'm quite certain that not eating fish on a Friday isn't going to condemn me to Hell and that gay marriage isn't the abomination it was once perceived to be. Fuck it, I'll even go out on a limb and wear polyester with my cotton.

The big question is: Do we despise or ridicule the deluded so-called Saviour? Or do we question the sanity of those about to be duped? If I said I was Johnny Winter you wouldn't believe me. And some of you are genuinely crazy...

The answer is, of course, think for yourself. Take from each thing in life with which you are presented, the good. Make your own mind up. Listen to your heart as well as following your head. If you have faith, then hold on to it for dear life. If not, don't be a smug prick about it. If you like heavy metal, you aren't going to spend an eternity fighting off demons in a lake of burning sulphur. And if you teach Sunday school every week, use your influence for the good, and lay off the fucking Ninja Turtles. They never did anything to you.

I could probably still go an for quite some time, but I think I will leave it there. Lest I start proclaiming myself some sort of deity and people start writing me weird fan mail or giving me the stink-eye on the street.

NGDG: The WHO's greatest global concern currently, according to DG Dr Margaret Chan, is the Coronavirus. Especially on the morning after the night before.

Spread The Love. I Really Mean It.

No comments:

Post a Comment