Friday, May 10, 2013


 What the world listens to...

Well, for those of you who are privileged (or damned) enough to know me personally, you may think you know the answer. However... it is a trick question.

I humbly (hahaha! that's a laugh) submit to you, my faithful and fantastic readers, that it is indeed both. The difference between the two is the way you view music and the way it is created. I completely agree with those that would argue that it is true art. But you cannot be so naive as to imagine that it is not a blood-sucking industry as well.

This discussion came up when a friend of mine, let's call him Herb The Psychologist, asked if I agreed with the Bruce Dickenson meme that shits all over X Factor and its participants. Naturally, I do agree that the people who participate in these shallow, awful mockeries of everything I hold dear are nothing more than empty, hollow twunts hell bent on fame rather than the fulfilment of a deep passion for making good music. The world is a fast food joint. It's not their fault. But to judge them is to judge the entire industry side of music. It is in its very essence a very Jekyll and Hyde problem. Those of us that make music that pleases us are often upset with the perceived ill-gotten fame and success of the auto-tuned schmaltz that abuses our sensibilities. Similarly, we are insulted when we hear that these vapid starlets are supposedly so compelled to write quality tunes that they bleed for their "art". Simply put, horse shit. You want to know who could write a good tune? Martin Gore. And he never pandered to the masses, despite Depeche Mode's unrivalled success. Even the title 'Music For The Masses' was tongue in cheek...

Similarly, I cringe like a newborn enjoying his first taste of rancid vomit when a so-called "alternative" artist hides behind the comforting veil of the "underground" just because they're too crap to be allowed near an instrument and hopes no one will notice. (Before the comments start flying - I checked, I just about scrape in before that category...) Unfortunately, for every underrated, talented and wonderful musician and songwriter we have doing this for the right reasons, there are just as many worthless charlatans, whether they know it or not.

But it's Friday. I shouldn't be getting my panties in a twist (come on, baby!) about the whys and wherefores of it all. I should be looking forward to post-work Friday football. I should be salivating at the prospect of putting my feet up and enjoying a nice cold beer this evening. I wish. Tonight I am exiled from my house. The Hot Girlfriend is having a little get together. I've installed a webcam somewhere in the house. No one knows where it is. Or even that I have one. Let the games begin...

Anyway, in closing: Please do not confuse the love of creating and performing what I consider to be good music (using real instruments) - as pure an art form as you are likely to come across - with the industry-driven excuse pooped out of the Corporate Conveyor belt. These two are fundamentally different and mutually exclusive.

Now to go and find a way to sell one song at a time to collectors with mad cash to spend on a unique investment. Musicians - you're doing it wrong! People who make paintings are onto something!

And to Simon Cowell...

NGDG: I'd say "I told you so." But I kept it to myself at the start. And now it's all turned to shit for you in the end I'm too busy laughing.

Spread The Love. Your Mother. This Sunday.

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