Tuesday, May 14, 2013


Imagine the scene at Jeff Hanneman's funeral. Well, how it would have been, had the gutless wankers from the Westboro Baptist Church pitched up as planned, to picket with their hate speech. On one side, a flock of  barely literate sheep waving aloft placards declaring that 'God Hates Fags'. Ok, so he's a non-smoker... On the other side, a legion of SLAYER fans paying their respectful tribute to a legend - and also a man instrumental in bringing us the ditty 'God Hates Us All'. Your personal religious leanings aside, you have to admit the humour in it all. I'd be standing in the middle, photo bombing the fuck out of the proceedings with my little poster "We're All Fags?" I'd also be wearing my running shoes and be warmed up already, completely committed to proving that flight is always better than fight...

Then there are all these pleas (including photographs, importantly) to look out for this guy and that guy at animal shelters as they are accused of "fostering" or "adopting" dogs in order to use then for baiting in dog fighting organisations. Looking at these pictures, it's more likely that they're on a high speed bee-line home to their date with the jar of peanut butter. But. Once again, all jokes aside, surely these people deserve our most hateful vengeance. Fuck human rights. It's been postulated that people found guilty of sex crimes should be used instead of the more traditional animal testing. I propose using these c*nts as well. And anyone involved in any way with the heinous business of dog fighting. My soul cries.

Let's see, what else is shit? Ah yes... A month or so ago I had a minor revelation, whilst keeping track of the various new phone deals on offer. You know, the ones that offer huge gift vouchers in exchange for another 2 years of remaining a techo-tard... I'm quite comfortable with not having a super-smart phone. They're just hastening our transition to Wall-e people anyway. So I thought to myself "Yoh! This particular deal has been going on for so long now, I think I should take it now, 2 months before my current contract runs out. The extra bit I pay in will be nothing compared to the eventual bonus..." And just as I finally convince myself it's time, after some umming and ahhing, the deal is nowhere to be found anymore. Motherfucker! Great! Now you think I'm a blasphemer AND a cheapskate!

Now before you get your panties in a bunch, please take this with a pinch of salt. You know I'm not bigoted against anyone. Except cellular telephone deal makers and breakers... I just like to point out humanity's little funny bones. If you take offence at something like that, you're clearly reading the wrong blog.

And on that note, let's see if I can remember a few things for which I am grateful...
In no particular order:
  1. Peoples' inability to tell me to my face, or my inability to comprehend their pleas that I stop, concerning my "cat sex" guitar playing.
  2. The fact that The Hot Girlfriend is still alive.
  3. Doom Metal.
  4. Friends and family, especially all the colourful characters so often referred to in this silly little blog.
  5. My nifty little wine collection.
  6. A certain plane ticket I have in my hot little hands, which I'm going to use in June.
  7. Lolita, Jenni, Jill, Bonnie, Liezel, Elise, Julie (R.I.P), Melissa, Bernadette, Lucy (on loan) and my four other darlings.
  8. My health, wealth and happiness.
  9. Living in permanent paradise. Except when it's holiday season and we're invaded by foreigners.
  10. Very tolerant neighbours.
There's way more where that came from, I'm just getting lazy now...

NGDG: [Neal's on holiday.]

Spread The Love. The Westboro Baptist Church Needs To Be Shown How.

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