DESIGNATED DRINKER

No idea who made this - used without permission. Fokken sorry.

You don't need tattoos or be an ex junkie to be cool...
There, I said it. I get it. Tattoos are meant to beautify, signify, identify. I have had the privilege of seeing many inspiring (and inspired) pieces and have the pleasure of counting some of the greatest local artists among my friends. With them I have no truck. I am here today to point out that tattoos are no longer the taboo subject they used to be. They no longer instill fear in the casual passer by. They no longer force worried fathers into chasing young men off their properties with their shotguns when they come a'callin' on their precious daughters. They do not make you stand out. They are not the reserve of the almightily underground or obstinately otherwise. A tattoo does not fill you with street cred or turn you into something "more than yourself".

Please, for the love of Mike, stop acting as if they do.

Now before you go all Sailor Jerry on my virgin-skinned arse, listen. I have nothing against tattoos, those that adorn their bodies with art, or the industry itself. I have a major problem with the few inkblots among you who act as if tattoos make them cooler than Jack Parow. Or more savvy, or more deserving, or more virile, or more anything. Please! You're not even less likely to find employment anymore. Tattoos are so commonplace these days that the person interviewing you most likely has a number of designs under his or her shirt.

You are not an original little snowflake. Stop acting like a dickhead and show the same respect you expect.

To those of you decent folk out there that sport beautiful body art - good on you. To those of you who sport the same fucking generic, picked-from-a-catalogue, unoriginal piece of shitty body art and have an undeserved attitude, kindly fuck off and go and pay some half-arsed excuse of a mouth breather to make it worse.

Also, just because Dave Navarro so heroically pulls it off, doesn't mean you're anything like him.

On that note (see how I tied in the coolest musician in the history of the world with skin art) the Cape Town International Tattoo Convention 2013 is upon us! Go check out all the gorgeous art and all the shady wankers skulking around in the background acting, well, like wankers.

But fear not, there will be entertainment abundant. There are three days of concurrent live music parties, featuring the likes of Th'DamnedCrows, Them Tornados, Long Time Citizen and a whole bunch more. Check it out here. Siren's Call.

And I haven't even got to the point of today's post. I am instituting a new social construct. I propose being the designated drinker. That way one of the mates is forced to refrain from getting shartfaced and will be rewarded with the honour of ensuring my safe arrival home, no doubt being regaled with many loud and entertaining anecdotes all evening. It will save that individual money. And judging by my well documented history, ensure a lot of embarrassment. But at least I'll be having fun with the rest of the inebriates. You may thank me for removing the yoke of social expectation from your already over-burdened shoulders later.

NGDG: You know what I was good at at school? Cursive. Penmanship. So confident I was one of the first to be graduated from HB pencil to ballpoint. Hella load of good that is in life.

Spread The Love. Unless Thy Neighbours Hath The Cooties.