SOUTH AFRICANS ALL CHANGE THEIR NAMES TO MONICA LEWINSKY.

Yes folks, I'm complaining again.  Man, I have missed my little virtual soapbox! South Africans are applying en masse for a name change to Monica Lewinsky, because it's the closest approximation of what the president is doing to this collective rainbow nation. I would suggest Ben Dover, but in these times in which we're strangled by a dependence on celebrity culture and an absolute lack of lateral linguistics, I decided to be far more straight forward. Never mind the cigar. But, if like Monica, you go down... (you really should...) then you should go down to the woods. Today.

And no, Big Mac Maharaj, we are not attacking the president every time he opens his filthy mouth to utter some new kak at us. We are ridiculing him. Learn the difference. We do so with a profound sadness though, as he should not be so easy to take apart for his fucked up rhetoric. There is no malice. Just a sinking feeling. And although I do not envy you your job as Spin Doctor To The Biggest Tit Ever, I do envy your salary. Have fun earning it.

And in a complete about face, it's Friday. To be more specific, it's Friday afternoon in the Mother City. There's test cricket on and cold beer waiting in the fridge at home. Things are looking up. Plans for the weekend involve a FOURTH Christmas day. Awesome! If only I'd known about this possibility when I was wide eyed and full of wonder as a child. Especially since my weekend has now opened up courtesy of Kallis and co. At least I can enjoy being away from the telly.

Ah, test cricket... When it hits a lull like the one we're trudging through now, you get some delightful anecdotes from the commentators. Like the one about the Australian lad who bet all his wedding money on Australia to win that fateful day in the famous 438 game at Wanderers (one week before the ceremony). Needless to say he lost his money and is now probably wed to a sheep. Got to love the Antipodes. Although, exactly why is anyone's guess.

And on that note. Happy Irreverent Friday. And hope the first weekend of the year treats you all splendidly. I'm going to buy cheap pants.

NGDG: A child screeches hysterically as his mother tries to wrench him from the bollard and onto the escalator. All the women coming down smile and somewhere in the recesses of their dark and twisted minds think 'Aw! How cute.'

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