GROWING OLD GRACEFULLY

Growing up, I was taught not to piss on my hands.

So I just got strong armed into going to a gig tonight. On a school night! I'm tired. My house is a disgrace and I have had back to back band practices all week. I was really looking forward to a nice evening in with all my new series and things to watch.

Alas no. Enter Tarty Farty Tequila Party, who, by manipulating my weakness for a good time and free beer, in public, claimed victory. I fought well, though. She had to earn this one. And now I have to go out on the town tonight, chauffeured like Lord Muck and she's buying me a beer as well. Who won in the end, do you think? I'll write a full report on tonight's shenanigans tomorrow and you can be the judge. We're going to see a band called Wolftown at a place calling itself "It's A House". "It's"... "A"... "House"... Well, I did start off by saying I wanted to stay home tonight - serves me right.

Anyway, speaking of all things live music like, tonight is the first in a series of 3 battle-of-the-bands events (and that's just in Cape Town, the home of all of the metals) to determine which of our South African metal bands will be sent to represent our fair land at Wacken, the largest open air metal festival in the world. It is a pretty big deal and the organisers are to be lauded. It also showcases some of our better metal bands in a nice convenient package. I won't be going to tonight's event at the Rabbit Hole, obviously, but it should be a great show, with the likes of Suiderbees, Infanteria, Sabretooth, Forgive Us Not and With Dawn doing their best for a free ticket to Germany. I will be attending the show tomorrow night at ROAR featuring Zombies Ate My Girlfriend, Sindulgence, Warinsane, Bulletscript and Wargrave. Perhaps I should force Tarty to come along...
And of course there's the 3rd leg of the Cape Town auditions, because you know, Cape Town has sooooooo many bands and we're all so kak and we all think the sun shines out of our collective arses and blah blah blah. It obviously has nothing to do with extremely hard work in the face of the strongest adversity and everybody being supportive of each others' endeavours. Anyway, I digress. Saturday will see Megalodon, Marching Dead, Ing, Strident and Messiah Complex competing for top honours at Aandklas in Stellenbosch. I am glad I am not one of the judges. What a feast! If only we weren't all so obviously on our "do not pass begin, do not collect R200" descent into Hades. Those instruments, they are the tools of the Devil himself!

Hilary, meet Stryper. Stryper, meet Hilary. Oh, I see Paramaecium is here as well...
That Hilary... she is an expert on metal, life, sound dynamics, ethics, tolerance, harps and the afterlife. I can prove it. She wrote a very interesting article explaining the meaning of it all... Make sure you have tissues handy...

In other news... there is no news. I eat. I sleep. I band practice. Occasionally I show my face at a live show, only so that people don't forget me...

And last - and certainly most importantly - HUGE CONGRATUMALATIONS to The Tattoo Team from up Norff for their nuptials today! Mr and Mrs Van Proctor, I am very happy for both of you 314 bitches!

Mind Assault's Daily Gem: Kyk Net Al Die Lekker Fokken Tiete!

Spread The Love. It's Like A Hippie Fest Up In Here...