Tuesday, January 3, 2012


First day back at work and I'm already Gaut-vol of all the GP plates in my way, on their mobiles or in the wrong lane. Go home.

Wow! What a festive season! Chock-a-block full of the wonders of the holidays and a bunch of foreigners. I don't even know where to start! I suppose, according to that cheerful bitch in the Sound Of Music, the beginning would be a very good place...

Christmas Eve was spent playing Mr Civilised And Uber Proper with the new in-laws. Small talk was followed by a very Big meal. Gifts were swapped and everyone seemed over the moon with their loot. I know I was. The in-laws gave me Johnny Walker Black Label. Good guess or good homework? Score, nonetheless! The Hot Girlfriend gave me a large rubbish bin full of beer. And a DVD. One million points! Plus a whole bunch more for originality.

Next day Christmas at my folks, which included the family from Holland. My Dad and I basically warmed up some coals, popped the turkey on the rotisserie in the Weber and sat back drinking beer all day - then took all the plaudits for a bird well done. Awesome. More pressies and some belt loosening, then off home to relax. All in all it was an great Christmas - just the way it's meant to be spent - with loved ones and too much food.

Boxing Day Braai was a raging success, although I do believe ducking early saved me from some real honest to goodness proper debauchery. Ah, the joys of being aged...

The next couple of days were an absolute blur of activity. Axxon rehearsed non-stop in preparation for Rock The River. I decided to excavate half the backyard's concrete and install a lawn. Let's just say it's easier said than done. But now I have a beautiful lush patch of grass for which I have to purchase a small lawnmower and a backyard full of large concrete chunks - a random kind of rockery feature that makes a trip to the bin an awkward zombie dance, like in the Thriller video.

I also attempted to re-arrange the cabinet-to-large-appliance-ratio in the kitchen and promptly fucked up the plumbing. Cue some rather delicious pleasantries exchanged between myself and the dishwasher's water inlet pipe.

At least I was wonderfully surprised by the Meyodies, who were in town. Awesome lunch guys! I will get you those details shortly!

Then - with much anticipation - it was off to the Cape Town Ostrich Farm for a spot of festival-going and some playing-in-broad-daylight, a novel twist for me - I've spent all these years proudly serving up my various musical endeavours to the denizens of the dark in the grotty comfort of dingy nightclubs. Add to that the midsummer heat and permission to play in baggies and you have a truly unique and unfortunately eye-opening experience. The show went off quite well - the troops of AXXON rocking the literal tits off the assembled masses and even enticing throngs of curious folk over from the main stage. Great fun and great times! Oh yes, speaking of AXXON, go and check out the promo video for 'Final Breath'. Thanks to Henk Smith, Tarty Farty Tequila Party and Stacey Lee for the footage.

Once the show was over it was time to catch up with everyone else on the drinking front. [*Disclaimer - As a rock star I recognise my duty to uphold the time honoured traditions of debauchery - my excuse for not drinking was that I had to drive the gear to the Safe House after the show]

So I naturally had a LOOOOOT of catching up to do...

Which I did as swiftly as humanly possible. My eternal gratitude to the Deathmetal Dentist, "Galeforce", Anty Nexus, and various other nefarious friends and fiends for facilitating my transition from 'unfortunately sober' to 'pissed as a fuck' with alarming and almighty alacrity.

Stand out performances of the night, The Hot Girlfriend's rendition of 'Dying Swan Lake' notwithstanding, were The Warinsane, who delivered their trademark no-holds-barred barrage of hostile metal right up in everyone's faces, and the swirling and severe superiority of new boys Wildernessking. Actually everyone who shared the stage with us on the night deserve a great big round of applause for making it a night to remember, from the traditional metal might of Strident to the fireworks and incredible endeavour of Crow Black Sky. A special mention should also be made of another perfectly brilliant performance by Hog Hoggity Hog, who appeared to be the only band on the main stage worth a fuck.

The next morning, woken by the stinging rays of the first sunrise of 2012 burning through the bakkie's canopy windows, we managed to dodge any potential loose sand and made a quick escape to a decent bed and a warm shower. After which we were expected to act compus mentus for the folks' wedding anniversary celebrations at Neethlingshof wine estate. Drank a little to equalise. Then tipped over the edge and overdid it completely on the food 'n' booze. As you do. You can get away with things like that when you're wearing fancy clothes. It's the rules.

And now we're back at work. Well, some of us. The further I get into writing this post the more I'm overwhelmed by a nagging suspicion like I've left something important out. I'm sure there were a million anecdotes I meant to remember with which to regale you all. Maybe I will - wait and see...

NGDG: "I don't understand people who don't drink beer. What else is there to drink when every organ in your body is poached in whiskey and dancing maniacally to rearrange themselves in some confounded sociopathic feng shui aimed only at causing one immense discomfort?"

Spread The Love. Make 2012 A Wonderful Year.

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