THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO WINTERFEST.

Picture courtesy of KULTURMAG

On a bus. The Party Bus in fact. THE Party Bus. It would have been much more of a party if some out-of-town guests were savvy enough not to eat the "delicacies" at everyone's favourite Turdish restaurant and bellydancing emporium, Mesopotamia...

Although there was plenty of crazy to go around. Maybe it was a good thing DrHellCuz wasn't up for it...

The day started off with a bangover. As usual. Then it was delivering gear to trusty Brother-In-Awe for transport to venue followed by frantic packing of cooler box and get to Party Bus pick up on time. Once on the bus we could relax, after an equally frantic search for a jack through which to play some music for the trip. In attendance were The Hot Girlfriend, Slappy, The Dean Of Univer City, TDB, Nyte Roks, Tina's Ex with the 2 Year Guarantee, a handful of blonde people and some guy called Blue Balls (no relation to the chutney brand). The trip was fun. You know you're in for a good day when you have to stop half way to buy tequila...

Anyway, not long after we arrived in Stellenbosch and got tucked into some more beer, having done the obligatory bum-out-hug-greet to a million friends, when my gear arrived and I had to rope in the assistance of all and sundry. I must be the only idiot that takes 4 guitars along to play 6 songs. Having secured the gear in the chaotic backstage space, it was party on. Well, it most certainly was party on for the Brother-In-Awe, who started off the entire party with a dazzling display of headbanging that shamed the youth and inspired up to 50 crazed lunatics to storm the outside stage and follow suit. Alas his contribution to proceedings was cut short after about his millionth tequila and he was e-vac'ed out of there roughly an hour before I was supposed to play. Cue hasty gear travel re-arrangements.

So, the venue was absolutely packed to capacity, inside and out. All the bands were top-notch. The organisation was as slick as ever. Uncle Dave's Subternia Music merch table was doing a roaring trade, DJ Egghead was keeping the metal fires burning outside all day and night, Zombies Ate My Girlfriend had their own promo table outside (wo)manned by none other than the gorgeous Chocolaty, everyone was running around having the time of their lives and NOT throwing panties on stage, beer flowed, conversations flowed, and I even had my own personal hair care expert (thanks, Rose Thorn) on hand to ready the coif for the show...

Then, to the show. Axxon was the last show of the evening's long and illustrious list of entertainers. Beeldenstorm, Sindulgence, Impalement Theory, Bloodbeast and Zombies Ate My Girlfriend all kept the capacity crowd going mental and the spirits (and horns) up. Then the headliners in the form of Strident and the mighty Mind Assault tore shit up good and proper! Peeking out from backstage in the middle of my own preparations, I was surprised to see Klein Libertas still standing. This mayhem and carnage was followed by the ever-delectable Black Orchid Beasties, doing their gorgeously ghastly best to make grown men cry...

Which brings us to where I once again got to indulge in my favourite activity: rocking out with my stocking out! The lights went out. The intro started. My guitar tech, "Mein Sohn" handed me the first of my guitars and, well... all Hell broke loose! Axxon is an Industrial/Electro Metal band. We're not really supposed to inspire moshes that engulf half of the dancefloor. We did. The energy beaming back at us was phenomenal! And today I can't move my neck or shoulders. For everyone who missed our show, and the rest of Winterfest, may I offer you a piece of infinitely valuable advice? For free, mahala and for nothing. Look out for notifications of Summerfest and make sure you're there. I'd hate for more than necessary suicides.

To everyone that made Saturday a possibility - especially Pat and the rest of the Metal4Africa crew - well done! Let's do it again!
Also, thanks to Paul Bothner Music for all the awesome Jackson Guitars, RotoSound Strings and Laney Amplification Gear, not to mention Wolf Clothing for making Axxon looooook goooooood!

And then there was the bus back. Grown men passed out on other grown men. Tequila. Genitals. The usual.

Needless to say Sunday wasn't greeted with much enthusiasm. At least I had the Hot Girlfriend to brighten up my day.

NGDG: It has begun. The divorcee has obtained my number through devious channels. She has initiated her woo. Dawkins help me. This can only end in arranged marriage or death.

Spread The Love. Initiate Your Woo...