Thursday, July 12, 2012
THE NEWS IN BRIEFS
Or just sans briefs (in the) altogether...
John Terry claims he is not a racist in a hearing in which he is accused of racial slurs against Anton Ferdinand. Huge surprise. Prosecutor says Anton Ferdinand lacks the sophistication to have fabricated the accusation. Whatever happened to transfer speculation?
This just in. It doesn't matter. John Terry is a worthless thug anyway, as he so demonstratively proved in the Champions League semi-final.
ANCYL attempt to bust up the annual Nelson Mandela Lecture delivered by President-For-Lifebouy Zuma. Their disruptive antics are dealt with swiftly and don't at all allude to a rift within the ranks of a party clinging onto popularity by the skin of their teeth and an ingenious plan to hand out more free tshirts.
Squatters choosing to live in the winter lake district below sea level on the Cape Flats are more surprised than last year that their shacks have been flooded. The concept of a water table is scoffed at when authorities try and explain. A water table will never stand up by itself and will probably collapse under the weight of any large pap pot.
Nuuskierig, the website for all discerning readers who can read, is effectively relaunched amid much fanfare and does not disappoint - bringing cheer and a much needed tongue-in-cheek relief to a country wracked by bad comedic commentary and even worse politicking.
Mark Boucher - one of the all time greats in cricket - is forced to retire from international duty due to a freak bail accident that caused severe eye damage, thereby making him the first South African sport star to bow out gracefully before the inevitable debacle of being dropped for someone in better form. Or because of the colour of his skin.
Residents of Cape Town have been plagued by an affliction worse than the flu this winter. Apparently the involuntary impulse to inform everyone else in Cape Town that the weather is unpleasant is not only contagious, but reaching epidemic proportions.
If you missed the most tragic story since Prince Charles had a rare new species of frog named after him and people actually fucking cared, please take the time to read about the insane and inhumane execution of Lennox, the pitbull. Our hearts go out to the family and our condemnation of this callous act is absolute.
Apparently living in a "security complex" in Gauteng is not as safe as the estate agents would have you believe.
The culprit in the Limpopo textbook dumping saga has been brought to book. I know...
SASCOCUP stand by their ruling that the highest ranked, most successful, and best-hope-for-a-medal weightlifting athlete in the country "can't go" to the Olympics "because".
The Meyer Of Awesomeville and his blushing bride have just become Guard Parents. Gush!
And last but by no means least, I'd like to congratulate Prince & Princess Pettitt on their nuptials. Awesome! The only gripe I have is that I couldn't be there to share this wonderful day with y'all. May you have a billion years of happiness together.
And now, the weather...
NGDG: "I've been in a state of stifled hysterics listening to the Ghanain girl phone customers to tell them they've won a prize. From the sound of her frustrated reassurances and complete lack of vernac, it's clear they all think she's a Nigerian businesswoman after their bank details."
Spread The Love. And Then...